In the past year, I have been using a personal diary to express my negative thoughts about life, the influence of society on me over time, and how money and religion impacts my mental health. While I won't go into detail about my desire for death or my disillusionment with humanity, I do hope for positive changes as I age. If circumstances permit, I aspire to gather enough funds to establish a new life elsewhere in a different country and start afresh.
My suicide diary is an intensely private outlet exclusively meant for my eyes until my passing. At that time, you have my permission to read it, or perhaps I will find the courage to share it with respectful and understanding individuals who can grasp the depth of my struggles. Within its pages, I delve into the disarray of my work-life balance, the foolishness and dishonesty of politicians who should not hold power, the attempts by my parents to manipulate me through Christianity despite my refusal to conform, and how money exerts control over my dreams and destiny.
While I appreciate certain aspects of America, such as the Constitution, Amendments, freedom, the Declaration, the two Bills of Rights, and the laws, I am troubled by the government's apparent disregard for these values today. What further saddens me is the potential dominance of America over the rest of the world, as if everything is their possession and they are willing to employ force to fulfill their desires. It's ironic how politicians hide behind the police and military, safeguarding their own interests while concealing the truth.
Another matter I find intolerable is the presence of homelessness on every street I traverse. If the wealthy have vast sums of money sitting in their bank accounts with no intention of using it, why don't they employ it for the betterment of humanity? Are they striving to set records or counting the number of commas and triple digits in their accounts? Or is there some kind of secret pact among the rich that forbids even a penny from reaching a homeless person's tin coffee mug? I can anticipate people commenting about charitable donations for cancer-stricken children or starving kids in Africa. While I acknowledge these causes, why not us? Why not assist the lower classes in America, the ones who made this country possible?
Everything I've expressed here is merely an example from my diary. I don't want to reach a point where I'm jobless and unable to rebuild my life, feeling that the only course of action is to do something to make a difference, where mine and your hard work and existences matter. Then I would simply escape and disappear, ensuring nobody finds my body because I can no longer tolerate American society and its fixation on capitalism and similar ideals.
That's all I have to say on the matter.