I've been at a company for 17 years. The company is considered to be 1 of the top 10 places to work in the US. 7 years ago I took a position that paid well and had a lot of overtime available. I thought it was a good move from my old position because it was what I was already doing just on a bigger scale. I shortly found out I shouldn't of made the move.
Within 6 months I knew I had made a costly career mistake. Although the job paid well, I didn't feel it was for me. It wasn't from a lack of skill or wanting to do a good job. It was a problem with my personality fitting with my team of coworkers. Nothing wrong with them or anything I just wasn't a good fit and I knew it. For 2 years I tried to find my place on the team, while maintaining high reviews and evaluations. Then something changed. I had started to show signs of very high stress. I started to get depressed and anxious about having to go to work. My personal life started to fall apart as well. Couple of deaths in the family, my ex wife was diagnosed with cancer and a terrible break up. The break up was definitely because of my stress.
This is where the company I loved to work for made me feel like they truly do not care about your health. Not only that but my exemplary performance for 11 years dont mean anything. I told my supervisor how I was feeling in my current role. I told them that I felt this job was not for me and I would like to get some advice or help in finding a better suited position in the company. He got offended of course and basically dismissed it. I'm assuming because I was still performing at a high level. Not really sure. I did know though that I was not gonna get any help with a transfer or internal job change. Next step I met with HR. Expressed the same concern for my own health and also requested some guidance on what jobs were around my salary and what i was qualified for. It fell on deaf ears. Now i know it is really all my responsibility. No 1 else is in charge of my career or my over all wellbeing. At the same time for a company that advertises a culture of de&i as well as empathy i was truly shocked at these responses. My mood plummeted, my performance slowly declined and my depression/anxiety got so bad I hospitalized myself and took a short term leave because of it. When I came back to work I was treated differently. I basically felt like the black sheep. I went from a high achiever to barely achieving within 3 years. It's very hard to move in my company with nobody speaking to your ability as well as having low performances. This has continued to go on for the last 4 years. My performance on paper has improved. My wellbeing has improved with medication and therapy. I feel stuck in my current position because of the career I chose. My skillset is very specific and there aren't a lot of companies that could use my skillset in my area. I've applied to other positions in the company multiple times in the last 4 years. Some of which are a huge loss in salary. I've been willing to take a significant pay cut, for the sake of mental health, just to keep my tenure and benefits. No luck though. Not 1 offer. Not only that my new supervisor and I are not jelling well. Pretty sure it's just a matter of time before I slip up on something dumb and they have what they need to fire me.