I feel like working makes my stress more intolerable, let alone working in the retail or food industry (especially the food industry). I have been dealing with personal issues relating to tolerating terrible customers, uncaring management, and having a run-in with bigots sapping my will even more. The worst part of all is that I need money to survive, to feel like I am real, and actually tolerate my situation. I mean, I do receive income, and I feel like it's not enough and I am confined to part-time jobs, making no more than given and working no more than 40 hours every pay period. I could try school again (because IT or independent work is great despite the stereotype), and then again, I am 31, barely passing on my best days and feel in most others. IDK what to do other than biting my tongue, taking the punches, the insults, and damn near powerlessness. My first job was at Chipotle, and I regretted it. This was almost two years ago, and it still traumatizes me. The only reason I made the mistake was that it would be “inclusive.” I feel like any and all job opportunities are just performative so they wouldn't get sued. Not to mention dealing with being neurodivergent just makes it all not worth it anymore. But I need to transition and survive. So, I am doomed to suffer in the process. I feel guilty even feeling this way. I just need help from this hell.