I don't actually know if I'm an empath but from the definitions I've read I might be. I just needed to post this here because frankly I'm exhausted and can't really handle the idea of going to work tomorrow.
I work for a nonprofit trade organization & today we brought in our partners from all over the country. I'm newish (under a year) to my position and I'll admit I'm struggling a bit in it. I have a lot of anxiety and low self-esteem because of it and because of the toxic job i had before (and also struggle because of low self-esteem and the cycle goes round and round).
All of that is to say that I could feel the negative perceptions have of me – as incompetent and inferior, and someone who sucks at their job, and there's some tension in general between the trade organization and the partners – that started way before my time and I don't have any power to address it.
I swear I'm not a crunchy granola-type but I swear I could feel how people perceive me in that way because I could also tell when not everyone did.
Anyways, long story short – low-self esteem in the workplace really sucks. It's agonizing and makes me struggle even more.
In the meantime, I'm struggling after losing my best friend (pet) and it's so hard to concentrate on work when all I want to do is curl up into a ball.
I searched high and low last year to find a job that better suites me – I hated my last job. I thought this job was going to be a better fit, but I haven't been able to take ownership of it and feel competent and deserving of the role. And it is so exhausting to be able to sense that other people think I'm an idiot. There are parts of it I'm better at, but I still feel a lot of pressure about their criticism of my group – I internalize their criticisms of the organization writ large and take it as if it was a fault of my character.
Luckily my direct coworkers and I get along very well – not in a weird work culty-vibe but it's just a healthy environment.
idk I'm just bummed out and didn't want to bug my friends and my cat who I'd tell everything to is dead, so I'm venting on reddit instead.