after 4+ years of working at a dead-end mom&pop store, im finally actively trying to find somewhere else. it’s a very small business, around 11 of us, and then the two owners. it’s in an incredibly niche industry, but the store still gets a lot of business because it’s the only one like it in the area. when i first started, there were 15 of us working in my current department alone – now, in my current department we have only 3. to say we are overworked and understaffed is an understatement. it’s an incredibly physical job, and about 75% of the employees who have worked here have developed significant physical disabilities or other physical conditions that make doing the job difficult and require medical treatment. i, myself, have become semi-permanently disabled as a result of this work. the reason i have stayed is because i really enjoyed the work i was doing, especially when i began working in a different department than the one i started in. eventually, too many quit from that department, and i have since been transferred back to my original department, whose conditions are significantly worse in comparison.
i have been talking about quitting for a while now, much to my partner’s joy, but i have constantly disappointed her by putting it off, at the risk of putting my body in more harm. last summer, my boss approached me and made baseless claims about me using the bathroom too frequently and for more than half of the workday. this came the day after another employee quit, and my boss made sure to emphasize that i was ‘needed at all times’.
this was the straw that broke my back. i have more than bent over backwards for this job. i have worked countless hours of unpaid overtime for this job. i have put myself physically at risk every day for this job. i got covid 4 times from this job, and was forced to come in while sick because other employees had already requested time off. i have proved myself loyal and been commended for it on multiple occasions, and then my boss went off on me and falsely accused me of using the bathroom too much.
the thing is, i still really care about everyone there, including him, despite the fact that he has treated me poorly. he has also shown me a lot of kindness. he made accommodations when i got surgery, he offered to take me to the hospital when i was hopelessly sick at work, he even drove me home when i was so sick i couldn’t open my eyes. these last two events happened within the past month, as i have been job searching, and it has made me feel really guilty for wanting to leave. i don’t know how to break it to him when i finally find a new job.
i have an interview today for a position in the field i want to start in, and i’m really hopeful i get it. if i get it, i have an easy explanation for why i’m leaving to pursue this. but i can’t shake the fear that he will retaliate or be disappointed in me. i also don’t want to face the hurt from my friends and coworkers there. i know some will be very happy for me and support me unconditionally, but i also know some will in some way resent me for leaving. my boss has also notoriously fired people on the spot when they gave their two weeks notice.
i guess im just torn for how to approach the topic of leaving, with him and with my more reactive coworkers. i know it’s not the end of the world to leave a job like this, but i just feel guilty for putting them in a worse position, because i know how valuable i am and how big of a hole i will leave when im gone. if you guys have any advice or words of support, i’d really appreciate it.
thank you for reading.