I graduated college in 2020 and was supposed to attend graduate school abroad. That fell through because of COVID, and so did an internship. I started job searching in 2021 and after a grueling and depressing 7 months, I landed a minimum wage co-op that I started this year in-person.
I've been applying to actual (hybrid/remote) positions within the same company for the time being and was just told that I will get an offer. The “manager” for the team is nice, and the team is okay – they don't seem horrible to work with.
But the thing is, I've never felt more depressed and unlike myself. I'm really not a lazy person at all, but working full-time for even this short amount of time has literally sucked the life out of me (physically, mentally, and emotionally) I don't feel like getting up in the morning anymore. I don't feel like me anymore. I don't do what I like anymore because I'm so exhausted, I don't have time or energy to eat well or cook anymore (I've lost a few pounds since started and am about 10 pounds away from being underweight).
I also nearly didn't get this job. The manager told me that they weren't concerned about my abilities at all, but they were concerned that I didn't have “passion” and would take it just because it's a job. I mean, how the hell can anyone be passionate about doing anything 8+ hours a day? The job itself seems fine, I actually am passionate about lots of this, but I just don't want to do it all day every day. At that point, I lose myself, and without myself I can't be passionate about anything.
I'm also planning to go back to graduate school this year (hopefully, not set yet). I don't need the degree honestly, but it's something I've wanted to do for a very long time (continue education and live abroad). I kind of feel bad about this whole thing now too because they will likely regret hiring me when September comes. However, knowing school/moving is coming is the only thing keeping me going. It's the only thing I'm looking forward to.
So, long story short, I just got many people's dream entry-level job (good company, hybrid, okay-work, nice team, etc.) and I've never been unhappier. I quite honestly don't know where to go from here. This isn't something that I can fix with some therapy, because the working is what's making me feel this way, and we all have to work. I'm also always the person giving people life advice and stuff, but now I don't even know how to help my own situation. Maybe someone can offer some advice (or Warren Buffett if you're looking at this maybe you can donate a few million).