Did I make a mistake by continuing in a field “just for money” for a while? I feel like it’s all coming to a crash and I’m struggling. I felt obligated as I ran into tax issues and owe money.
I decided to take a travel job out of state and it’s been nothing but hell. I’m talked down to, treated like a child (for not knowing or understanding an ancient charting system), and now I feel like I can’t make mistakes or asks questions.
Some of the language from my preceptor:
“That’s bad” (when I didn’t do a Covid screen day 2)
“You need to refer to the packet I gave you” (first ever question I messaged her about charting, I also already did check the packet)
“I’m sorry you get me as a preceptor” (showing her lack of confidence)
“I don’t know how to do that..I’ll have to get back to you” (she didn’t get back to me and I also don’t think she even knows or understands the system..as she’s new)
Feels like a dangerous position to be in when you have to be perfect or maybe walking on thin ice. I can’t trust them. I have to be perfect. Can’t make mess up. Then just because I’m nervous, I’m making the dumbest mistakes on the planet. It’s almost embarrassing. Feels it adds to their narrative and stresses me out more.
To add, the expectations are legit insane. What is expected is gross. I have to wonder if healthcare is even profitable. I’d rather the government put me in jail at this point than have to continue a job that makes me feel bad. I feel sick from even choosing such a field..
I called out my preceptor yet she’s the most unaccountable person. Lack of accountability is clear. I think me not understanding something is taken personally because she’s a “bad preceptor” yet doesn’t want to acknowledge this
I’m now lacking in confidence and feeling severely vulnerability and frail. I also really need the money. For the record I left a place after working there for 2 years and had no issues like this. My issues revolve around a charting system that’s from the 1500s. It legit makes me want to walk into traffic just so I can stop using it.
I feel like I’d rather just run off to a commune cuz it’s such bullshit how trapped I feel.