Hi guys, been on this sub for a while and it seems like a good place to ask for input. I'll try to be as detailed as possible, since I'm pretty sure no one from work reads this sub, or much of reddit at all.
So I'm a restaurant server, with a LOT of experience (over 25 years) and I'm very good at my job. I also have a master's degree, but resto was a deliberate opt-out of the corporate nonsense we see every day on this sub. I have flexibility with my time (I can pretty much take off as much time as I want, just don't get paid) and though I'm a tipped employee, I have more control over my income than you might think. Base $$$ I expect (salary + tips) is $50/hour, which is normal for my experience and area (San Francisco Bay Area). Incidentally, once hours are factored in, this is MORE than I can make with my MS in molecular biology. Really.
Having more than one job is normal and desirable in this industry. Besides money, they definitely treat you better at both places. So I have two jobs right now (also cater on the side, but that's more of a gig thing that I do mostly to work with friends). One is in the city itself; got it immediately pre COVID, small local's place. Let's call it City Job.
But City job wasn't making enough, so I got a lead on a second place 10 miles north, where I've now been working for two years. Let's call it Country Job.
Country job has been working really well. I've established myself as the person who does everything (keep in mind, tips are pooled at Country Job, so this is also in MY best interest). So i get a lot of respect and appreciation there. City job was at first chill and lowkey – basically do whatever, the goal is to take care of the regulars. Country job is a little stricter, but nothing I can't handle.
They have trouble finding managers. The owner is OK, but comes from business and can be really out of touch with what, well, SERVICE is. She only pays $22/hour. Hired one guy last year who didn't want to help (it's not like an office – a resto is an everyone-does-everything scenario). Had a big fight with him, talked to managers/owner and the weird thing is… we actually became FRIENDS. Then they fired him for, basically, not helping. TOLD YOU SO. This is background for context.
They replaced him with a former server, so we had high hopes for New Guy. But he's been really full of himself and micromanaging me – in a job where a big draw is I get trusted to know what's up and get left the fuck alone.
Early on, I mentioned to New Guy that the chef had been making me feel awkward. Like, uh, putting his arm around my waist uninvited. And there's no nice way to say it – not only uninvited, but I find the chef physically repulsive. So New Guy was like, “well, we don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable,” but he didn't seem to comprehend it was a sexual harassment issue.
One night he and another employee had ordered steaks, which are not generally allowed on our meal plan. I asked why they got special treatment and he made a joke about how I had to kiss the chef like they did. Totally gross. Anyways, I asserted myself – “NO, you do NOT make that type of joke.” New Guy responded with, “relax, we're all adults, it's just a joke…” etc etc.
That night I wrote an email to Owner with the subject line “I think we need a refresher course in sexual harassment”.
Had a meeting with owner. If nothing else, she's scared of getting sued. She said she'd talk to them (which she did) and there would soon be updated paperwork for us to sign on the sexual harassment policy (which didn't happen). A former busser who is somewhat less assertive said she'd had a similar problem before, but Owner had more or less dismissed it as “the kitchen guys are just like that”.
Afterward, New Guy wanted to apologize, but Owner said let it go, and I agreed. I said I wanted AWARENESS over apology.
So far, so good. But ever since, he's been micromanaging me and picking on me. And on top of it all, HE DOESN'T HELP EITHER. I'll give some specific examples.
(1) Phone policy. Not supposed to have phones on the floor, but completely disregarded. Staff will be on the phone when the restaurant is full, checking texts, showing pictures of babies and pets. If it's slow they'll be watching entire damn Tik Toks. The first hour of the resto is usually dead, a couple people if anything. We kinda hang out and talk. I usually fold some napkins and plop my phone beside me, maybe do a little Duolingo/SPanish, which is basically work-related anyways. So I did this, and New Guy told me to put it away. I was even WORKING – folding napkins. A few days later I come in to find the other server, same situation (nearly empty restaurant) where she's making a full PHONE CALL inside, followed by checking her texts INSIDE for like, ten minutes. (A different manager was workjing that night). So the rules aren't being applied equally.
(2) Tells me little details to do my job that either don't matter or are flat out incorrect. Like, if only one of the four people in the party is there, he will give them ONE menu, claiming he's saving paper. This is poor form – a table is seated in a welcoming manner, menus laid down for full party, even if they're not there yet. Or when I advised someone that there was a limited amount of X soup left and then we would be switching to Y soup, and he told me not to offer the soup until we run out. I wasn't OFFERING, you fucking moron, I was advising them on a limited quantity in case this affects how they order.
(3) Details that are above his job description – critiquing my uniform, e.g. These are things that the GM does – not a regular supervisor. He doesn't have that authority – he just wants to power trip.
(4) I'd already texted my GM (let's call him Main Boss) that I would not work with New Guy anymore, because I cannot effectively do my job if I am not trusted to do it (like I am at Country Job). So this next part happened AFTER. New Guy will go to any lengths to NOT run food to a table, which is basically priority #1 – chef puts up food, nearest person runs it. He's already been corrected on it, but continues. One time he physically started to grab a paid check I was returning to the guest OUT OF MY HANDS (NO!!!) and told me to run the food in the window instead. I pulled back and told him, “It's not READY. The TICKET isn't up yet.) In this final scenario, I had picked up drinks from the bar and took them to a table, where the ladies were ready to order; i.e. I was in the process of a task. New Guy had previously said (direct quote) “Alluma, I will help you when you are busy, but I am NOT your food runner”. This time, I came back to the line and he said, “Alluma, I noticed you don't keep an eye on the line. Priortize your food!”
I got THIS close to telling him to shove it up his ass.
So now the story has: disrespect, discrimination and retaliation (singling me out). basically the last statement was a bald faced lie and a serious insult to, well, everything I do. Not to mention New Guy apparently STILL thinks he is too good to do his job.
Main Guy said he didn't really have any shifts to switch me too – I said fine, drop me off the schedule completely, I'll jsut pick up, which a couple people do – stay on payroll and work once in a while. (Worth mentioning here, I rarely work with Main Guy, who himself does everything – but recently have worked a few shifts with him, so he can see how I work as well).
Why don't I quit? Mostly because the resto industry is in a drought right now and shifts are being cut. Between my two and a half jobs, I am literally working TWO days a week. I just paid rent on a credit card. Student loan payments are going to resume. It makes sense to keep that option open for the moment.
This is what I'm considering.
1. Tell them to fuck off and never look back.
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Drop down to one shift (I was planning to anyways) but it would be with New Guy, so I would still have to figure out how to work with him.
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Talk to Main Guy about everything I just told you. Put it to him – “hey, Main Guy, do you really think I, Alluma, work like this?” Also bring up that I consider this to be retaliation for my sexual harassment complaint.
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OF COURSE I AM DOCUMENTING EVERYTHING.
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(This suggestion is from my friend) Have her and another friend come in for dinner and videotape if anything happens. Everyone has a phone nowadays. You never know who might be filming…
Anyway, if you made it to the end of this ridiculously long narrative, I thank you. It helped me clear my head, too. What should I do next? I'm feeling so broke and frustrated and don't know what to do next – I have other ideas, but they all pay less than I'm used to. But still more than zero. Working two days a week… I am literally going to look into if I qualify for food stamps this week.
My needs are not great. A job that treats me with respect and a reasonable income. But nO oNe WaNtS tO wOrK aNyMoRe. I am literally asking for more work and can't get any…