Background: I'm 32, I make $50k a year as a hibachi chef, I hate everything about it, and I always want to die. There's no reason to be alive. To make more money? To contribute to an economy that's literally dependent on slave labor and only exists to enrich the greedy and evil? Nah, not for me, sounds terrible. I drive past homeless people in a car that I don't want to own because cars are fucking awful and I should be able to walk or bike anywhere I need to go, but I'm forced to own one because I live in a conspiracy that has been engineered specifically to prevent me from conducting any facet of my life or moving around anywhere unless I own a car, so I have to own a car because I have to drive to a job that I hate that only serves to make someone else rich and only services the luxuries of the rich, with the consequence of not doing it being that I'll become one of the homeless people I'm driving past, and then my quality of life would be even worse than it already is, which is terrible. I'm being coerced and extorted through threat of violence (eviction, starvation) into living a life I don't want to live, to serve masters I don't want to serve, to achieve an end that I don't want to achieve, all so that I can make money that I think is evil but I have to have it in order to pay for things I need which are already owned by hoarders and exploiters who want to resell it to me for profit, profit which only serves to support an economy that is entirely based on evil and exploitation.
But that's what people (broadly speaking) advocate for. “Set goals, determine what you want in life, and work hard towards it!” Well, everyone I know who has worked hard their whole lives has died before they hit 60, and they died owning nothing, of medical conditions that would have been easily taken care of for free in a country with an actual healthcare system, in a piss poor rented hovel, with nothing to their name and nothing to pass on to their kids (if they had any, most of them didn't, just died alone). And the only way to have a better outcome than that is to do the bougie rich people shit that pisses me off, like exploit others, lie, cheat, steal, etc. My only way to get a better life is to go to school and accrue debt in order to go do a job I hate even more than the one I already have, doing something that damages the environment even more and exploits people even more, because that's the way to make more money, through more exploitation.
So why does anyone even want this? How do I change the way my brain works to react positively to “success” rather than immediately jumping to the negative aspects of everything we've created with all of our “success”? People want to be wealthy? How? How is that not the prime evil thing you're trying to avoid?
https://youtu.be/xP8CzlFhc14 – And based on this and plenty of other sources of information like it, why would I want to be a part of the evil empire anyway? Why would I want to be “successful” in an economy that literally destroys the world? So that I can buy crap I don't need and fuck women I don't like? Come on, there's gotta be more to life than this.
I made another thread recently in a different subreddit about what other jobs I should consider doing, but all of them just made me sick to even consider. Just being alive in a capitalist society makes me feel like I'd rather die. How do I change my brain from working like that? Otherwise I'll never fit in, I'll never be successful, and I'll never even be able to get a decent job. I mean I know I'm gonna fail every interview I take in my current mental state, because I just can't lie about it anymore, but being honest about who I am and how I feel makes me an enemy of the american/capitalist way of life.