Tldr at the bottom, sorry I need to vent.
My boyfriend and I have been together since highschool, and at one point I told him I could take care of us bc school went well for me so I though my degree would be a guarantee at at least a pretty good job. I looked up some statistics that were unrealistic. Not even close.
I had a desk job that I honestly got bc I'm friends with the CEOs daughter and I kept her out of jail when we were kids. I got paid pretty well, had a 4 day work week, and didn't have enough work, so I started writing (a passion of mine).
Well I got laid off in October. I couldn't find anything else, and now any type of work feels like the end of the world to me. The exchange of taking care of our house and working on my passion is just so much more rewarding!
I'm working on my physical and mental health, Im able to do favors for friends, take my dad to dr appointments, and make life a little easier for my bf.
He has a union job as an electrician, and works 4 10 hour days, comes home, and he's so mentally and physically exhausted.
The dream is to write and publish while “unemployed”, hopefully making enough money to take the place of a job, while still being able to do the things Im doing now.
As I'm sure you can assume that's unlikely and will also take a long ass time.
I know I basically need to get a job and do my passion on the side, but God all jobs feel like they'd take everything out of me, and I'd be back in survival mode like I was in college and then honestly what is the point?
Soooo
TLDR my bf works so hard and I feel guilty wanting to stay unemployed, even though there are many benefits even for him. Its to the point that even thinking about most job listings makes me straight up panic. Obviously its a thing I need to work out with my boyfriend, but how do you deal?? He works hard, but is the kind who feels like hating your fucking life because of work is how its supposed to be, I feel guilty for believing in and striving for better for myself.