Hi!
Looking to share my somewhat positive story here. This is about my 7 years struggle to fend for myself and get education, while being dealt very unusual circumstances. I'm hoping someone can relate and feel better about their situation.
Mentions of suicidal tendencies, you're warned.
I grew up in a multiracial “hapa” family in Asia, and when I hit 16 we moved to Europe. The decision was made by my authoritarian white father, who thought a “white” environment would be beneficial for my development.
The problems soon started: they gave me a year to pass Uni entry exam in a language foreign to me. During this time I struggled with the language, cultural alienation by my peers, looking very different from the locals, lack of friendship.
I got myself into a decent college a year after, parents were overjoyed. But my nightmare actually began here. I started failing classes- my highschool education had a completely different system, and I had to pick up knowledge the locals had no problems with.
After a semester I was flunked, failing four classes out of eight.
My parents then gave me an ultimatum- either I move out and sustain myself, or I enroll the Uni again and graduate this time.
I was 17 years old then, and chose to move out, out of frustration and a bit of shame. It was hard to not blame myself for what happened. I felt I was not smart enough, that I let people down, I was suicidal.
This was when things got even worse.
Having two months rent saved up, I searched for roommates and a cheap flat. It was in a poor neighborhood, my roommate turned out to be stealing my things after a while, and just moved out when I confronted her. I found my first minimum wage job at a supermarket- not as an official employee, and worked 12 hour shifts.
I had to walk home 1:00 in the morning, work with addicts, other women and men in similar situations. Lonely and scared about my safety, I always walked with a pocket knife. The creep that owned the supermarket was going after all the young female employees there, He ogled and commented about us, 17-20 year olds, but I had no other choice but to stay.
During this time I would get so piss poor I was malnourished. After asking my parents for help, I learned that they moved to another city and don't want anything to do with a “disappointment”. I wailed and nearly jumped down the apartment building, feeling unfair how I was once a loved”good kid”, and now it's all destroyed.For three years after this I had constant suicidal thoughts, sleepless nights where I scream at myself into the pillows.
At 18 I became more fluent in the local language, and was able to get a part time translator job that lifted some of my financial trouble. The pay was low, because I wasn't degreed and had no experience.
My mental health was in the sewers, and I faked being a current student at my college to get free phycologist consultations. Somehow it wasn't exposed, and I'm very very thankful to whoever allowed this to continue for three years. They worked just enough to keep me going.
At 20 I completed two business+ management courses and gave me certificates that I thought were useless- nonetheless they were the only educational thing not costly. Also, I got language certificates in English and my first and second native languages . I roamed interviews in the area, settling for entry level low paid office jobs, and I got one. It was an assistant position with translator functions at a small company.
I remember being so happy I called my parents, and only mom came to the phone, telling me briefly that she was proud.
I stayed three years at this shitty job, managers of which are exploitative, rude and sexist, but at the end of it I was able to get promotions, afford a flat and regain my confidence. Also, I applied for an online college that is cheaper and not time consuming.
Now I'm my own person, and have the best job in years: a remote position with plenty of time and comfort to myself. Paid decently to afford some small luxuries of life. – All thanks to the things I've learned during the past hardships.
But I wouldn't want to relive it.
I don't talk to my parents anymore, and have come to terms with their disfunctions. It was a racist and demeaning environment for me.
Now that I cut off any toxicity and people that like to put me down, and appreciate my upbringing and individualism, I no longer feel unworthy and unloved. And I wish that everyone struggling can see the light at end of the tunnel, and keep your heads up. That's all