I've been lurking on this subreddit for awhile and it's even the reason I even created an account on Reddit in the first place.
I am just about ready to burst honestly. I don't generally like ranting out loud because I don't like coming across as whiney but I am just exhausted.
I am mentally, emotionally, and physically drained. I am tired of doing the work of 6 and getting paid for barely 1.
It's getting to the point where I can't even cope anymore. I go into work glad that I can wear a mask because I can no longer fake a smile. I even attempted my own life near the middle of this year because the grind is getting too much for me. I was unemployed for all of one month before I started feeling like absolute garbage. I even dropped out of college because of how stressed I was.
I am just tired of carrying an entire company on my back and not getting thanks for it or even acknowledgement. Just getting over looked and just automatically volunteered to do things because no one else wants to or everyone else is incompetent. When I actually do find something that brings me joy from how soup crushing the job is, it's taken from me and I'm told “no, it's against policy” when I can obviously see at least the clients get joy out of the little things I do.
I don't have many talents, I have a nervous stutter, and sometimes I just blurt out whatever comes to mind without thinking. Sometimes social situations confuse me and the only thing I've ever wanted to do was work with animals but I'm terrified of cats so working at a vet office is out of the question (every last one of them I see to apply to says I have to work with cats). I currently work with dogs. I work in a high risk environment. I'm at risk from falls (which I've had quite a few falls for the 6 years I worked here and each time I bring it up I'm basically told to walk it off) cuts, scraps, bites, etc. On top of that the amount of chemicals we have to use with no proper equipment provided for us. I bring it up and I'm just met with “oh yeah use those gloves”. Those same gloves that will literally melt after long exposures to undiluted chemicals, the same chemicals that will start to burn if left on the skin too long.
I barely get paid 14$ an hour and that's only because I raised hell a little bit ago from being paid 12.50 doing management stuff.
Which 14$ is shit but the industry I'm in, in the state I'm in, seems to be an industry standard.
What makes it even worst is this is a corporation that SAYS they're all about animals and the people that work for them but they are your text book definition of corporate greed. They cut corners, upcharge clients and tell them it's to “pay our employees more” but don't even raise the pay to a competitive rate in the area of their stores.
I'm just stuck. On the one hand I want to leave but then what else is there for someone who has extremely bad social anxiety to the point I avoid even hospitals during medical emergencies.
I've tried working other places. Twice I had to walk out of a job because my anxiety got the best of me. I had a panic attack so severe I nearly had to go to the ER.
The last job I left, I was pretty much blamed for every single thing that went wrong. I worked reception at that job and it wasn't even a corporation it was a locally owned place. The office manager at that time made so many mistakes but she was best friends with the owner. I had to correct every mistake she made but if I let something slip through the crack, it was my fault and I did it because she was perfect and couldn't make mistakes because she always admits to her mistakes.
I am just exhausted. Utterly and painfully exhausted.