I didn't steal anything because I wasn't trying to catch a charge or get in to any trouble but I genuinely contemplated it for a moment.My SNAP benefits loaded today and I knew I needed to go grocery shopping. My benefits were cut from $192 a month to $23 a month because I got a $1 “raise” at work. I got paid on Friday and after paying half of the rent, the electric and the water works bill, I have less than a hundred bucks to my name but I can't go to the food bank until Thursday when they're open. I just needed to get groceries to get us through until I could go to the food bank
So here it is 8 am in Walmart and my daughter (she's 3, she'll be 4 in July) saw a box of Lucky Charms and started doing the grabby hands and “mommy please can I have it” I told her no, we have cereal at home (It's Cheerios which she eats just fine) and cue the melt down. SHe started thrashing in her seat, yelling “Let me out” and screaming how she wanted the “marshmallow cereal” and I'm trying to calm her down while also getting what few essentials I can afford with my measly SNAP benefits and the money I budgeted out from my check on Friday. My child just decided to turn into a toddler exorcist and just would not calm down because I told her no.
I honestly contemplated just grabbing the damn box of $5 lucky charms and putting them in the cart and not paying for them to calm her down and make her happy. I ended up getting alot of stares and one woman said not to quietly that I needed to “beat her ass” to “make her behave”. Even the cashier was giving me looks because my kid was having a tantrum over not getting something she wanted.
I know she's 3 and doesn't understand “Mommy can't buy this box of lucky charms because if I do, thats $5 I need for gas to get you to day care and me to work”
If my SNAP benefits hadn't been cut when I got this bull shit “raise”, I would have gotten the cereal no problem. I can;t believe I did “better” when I made less money because at least I didn't have to worry AS much about making sure my child and I stay fed. I have to provide snacks and lunch at her day care, and make sure she has breakfast and dinner at home with me. I don't know how I'm expected to do that on $17 an hour, only getting $23 a month in SNAP benefits because my state says I make “too much” to get any more. Some weeks I can't even get to the food bank before they close because of my work hours and my manager refuses to be accommodating. There have been days I have to pay the day care lady a late fee because she has to keep my daughter past the time she closes, I'm going to have to pay a late fee on the other half of my rent because I should have paid it all on Friday but I was also behind on my water works bill. The system is so messed up and broken and I'm just so tired of struggling. THe list seems to never end of things that need to get done but can;t. I'm going to have to send my daughter to day care tomorrow in the clothes she wore today because I don't have the money to go to the laundry mat to wash clothes.
I just needed to vent and get this off my chest. Now that we're back at our apartment, my daughter fell asleep on the couch and is passed out for a nap and I just feel so drained and embarrassed and ashamed that I couldn't get my child a damn box of cereal