I have Borderline Personality Disorder. Was diagnosed three years ago, but was exhibiting symptoms since the age of 11. Also comorbid with Major Depressive Disorder, ADHD, and C-PTSD.
I’m currently in a homeless shelter because my last major mental health episode caused me to spiral in a series of sabotage, where I got myself fired for attendance, went on a manic spending spree, and was evicted from my living situation for being symptomatic (verbally and emotionally abusive, as well as physically throwing things and myself against a wall).
I am not seeking sympathy; the universe knows I am taking full responsibility for my actions and my mental health. I know I am not my symptoms but I am responsible for them.
I say all of that to say this…living in the United States, even living in such a moderately progressive state as Oregon (Eugene), the cognitive dissonance between the realities of the general labor world and what I am expected to do to maintain my mental health are just not congruent.
I know part of my job start/job loss cycle is due to my poorly maintained BPD/ADHD, but the last four jobs have been the same cycle: become unemployed, do the work to get better and employed again, feel a sense of freedom and accomplishment for being employed, then fall victim to the ever-present corporate/capitalist BS (scheduled my desired hours for 3-6 months then have them drastically cut, while I’m maintaining an exceptional work ethic). The answer has always been to work my way up the ladder, but I have way too much of my own moral compass to believe I’m worth a job that my fellow man and woman are not offered/worth; I was even promoted to Shift Supervisor at my last job, but was scolded for informing my “subordinates” about their work rights and labor laws, and was eventually demoted due to “creating a hostile work environment” (no, your business encouraging competition between employees for hours and discouraging discussions of pay created a hostile work environment; I just told the “lesser” people what they’re worth).
So…right now, my mental health care plan is to move in with family, and yet again find another job. I’m worried that there is no job out there under my very very limited skill set (retail/customer service/some pharmacy tech) that would provide me the mental comfort and stability I need long-term, since my experience is that all the good things about a job disappear between 3-6 months.
Is there a solution I’m just not seeing? I’m 33 btw, don’t know if that matters