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Antiwork

I did not survive a terrorist attack for this

I wanted to be an engineer. I swear, i wanted to. After High School i left my small city and went in the capital of my country to study Engineering. I struggled a bit but i thought that becoming an engineer, having a purpose, was something to be proud of. On August 17th 2017 i was walking on “La Rambla” in Barcelona. If it wasn't for my girlfriend that dragged me in to a shop to get some churros mere seconds before the attack, i would be dead. I struggled years with PTSD and remorse. In 2021 I finished my Engineering course. But i wasn't the same. That experience changed me, that day a 23 Years old italian guy died. 23 Years old. It was an Engineer. God, it could have been me. I promised to my self to never end behind a desk pushing buttons till the grave. But…


I wanted to be an engineer.
I swear, i wanted to.
After High School i left my small city and went in the capital of my country to study Engineering.
I struggled a bit but i thought that becoming an engineer, having a purpose, was something to be proud of.

On August 17th 2017 i was walking on “La Rambla” in Barcelona.

If it wasn't for my girlfriend that dragged me in to a shop to get some churros mere seconds before the attack, i would be dead.
I struggled years with PTSD and remorse.
In 2021 I finished my Engineering course.
But i wasn't the same.

That experience changed me, that day a 23 Years old italian guy died.

23 Years old.

It was an Engineer.

God, it could have been me.

I promised to my self to never end behind a desk pushing buttons till the grave.
But here i am.
I ended up working in a factory as an engineer.
Pushing buttons and moving papers.
I like my coworkers, they are all nice.
But every time i show up at work i always think about that day.
I think about the fragility of my life and the fact that everyday this gift, my time, my time on this Earth, is slipping away from my fingers.
I feel bad.
Sometimes i wonder if this is what i will do with my life or if there will be something more.
I feel like i've betrayed that younger me.

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