May last year I got what I thought to be the best job ever. Good pay, working from home, free weekends, I had a nice team to work with. And it was honestly a really good job until the end of the year, when by contract they had one extra person on this project, and decided to change me to another team within the same project.
Since this happened I feel I’m going downhill, lack of motivation, more and more left out and like no one listens to my suggestions or understands my situation. On top of that, and I think this is the worst of everything, my immediate boss is a girl like me, my same age, with less experience than me (four months) with no experience leading people before, someone that it’s extremely annoying, rude, plays the victim every time I give advice or basically open my mouth, sends several messages in different chats to impose her point of view and so on.
I felt like this for a while but recently it got worse. I still work for my old team cause they have a lack of people, but when I do help my older team I feel a relieve, because I know the tasks and processes, and the boss for that team used to be the person that taught me everything I know about this job and he’s a cool dude.
Last week I took vacations for five days after a year of working my ass off. And how do they pay me? My immediate boss sending several emails about how I basically didn’t train anyone to do my job, blaming me and basically making me feel guilty for leaving. When in fact, there was absolutely no time to teach anyone, the last week before leaving I had to help the other team cause the boss was on vacations too, and the person I was supposed to teach everything I do only had five days (in theory less than that cause she had her own project) to learn every single thing.
So I started to work yesterday and I was already depressed and not motivated at all.
I decided to have a call with her boss to explain this situation. First thing I’m told is my work was to have the guides for the processes updated, which I mostly had, but because one thing wasn’t added, that was enough to throw me under the bus as the responsible for things not going out smooth the week I was gone.
On the other hand, he says I have to be able to communicate better cause he saw some messages in the group chat that he doesn’t agree with. I know I can be impulsive, but most of the messages I send are with extremely respectfulness and also give advice for problems that occur on this project. But my leader/immediate boss just starts to act like I’m attacking her, and this is where things escalate (in private messages mostly) with her.
She writes at least 20 messages in a single minute saying how I should behave or communicate.
She calls me several times despite me telling her I don’t feel good.
She says she doesn’t have preferences over people in my team, but I basically work alone while the other people work together (I basically work for a single country while they take care of different smaller volume countries, making me work alone) and she doesn’t even join the calls we have with the client or engages with them as she does with the other side of the team.
She talks to me like she’s mad and then she changes into a good girl saying nice things to make me forget that she treated me horrible, making me feel somewhat gaslighted (sorry if that’s not the correct term).
And the lists goes on and on. I know I’m impulsive, I know I make mistakes (I have ADD) and I know I am sensitive (I cry a lot because of this issues) but I honestly don’t like the way I’m feeling, the way I’m being treated and how much I feel left out and on my own, when I actually believe having a good team work is essential for things to improve…
Maybe I’m wrong and I need to change my attitude? At least that’s what I was told yesterday. That if I have a positive attitude things will work out, and that I need to be better at communicating. But I don’t know how to do that when I feel annoyed and like I shouldn’t open my mouth.
I honestly feel so misunderstood, so confused, and I don’t give a fuck about a lot of things I used to.
Thanks for reading the long ass rant post but I needed so bad to clear my mind. I barely had any sleep tonight (it’s currently 5 am).
Thank you again