So for past reference I've actually worked before, about 4 jobs. But, while I've done that, I was never at any of them for very long. I think the longest I've been at a job was about 2 months. After my experiences, I truly never wanted to work again. So I settled down, and just laid back. Thing is though lately I actually do want to work. I'm afraid of it true, but I finally want to have a life.
I suffer from a couple different disorders and conditions. I'm diagnosed with BPD, mild autism, anxiety, and depression. I'm just a mess.
Like, this past week for a few days I was doing so well. And now suddenly the last few days I've been pretty down, every day seems so hard lately. It's honestly been the worst than it has in a long time. And that's just from staying home and doing whatever. That's how drastically my mood can change from pretty much nothing. So the idea of being able to hold down a job for years just feels actually impossible.
If something bad happens depending on what it is, like a manager yelling at me, often times I literally cannot handle something like that. It ruins my day and maybe even multiple, I freeze, and if it's bad enough I won't be able to focus on my job. It sticks with me. That's how I am.
And then there's just so many other things. There's how toxic so many workplaces are, and there's the fact that a simple retail or minimum wage job is so looked down on, and that you're expected to do something that demands so much more.