i'm just… so over being alive in this world. it is so unfair that generational wealth has enslaved all of humanity. it is so unfair to be involuntarily born into this world with no choice in the matter, and then forced to work for the few born into generational wealth. it is unspeakable never ending cruelty. an existence of slavery. and existence completely shaped around the constant stress of money. even “self made millionaires” are still made to work, to turn themselves into some kind of high performing machine to somehow make tons of money.
those born into generational wealth don't have to work. they dont have to do anything. their existence is completely different. not shaped by the stress of money, but by the ease and freedom to do literally anything.
every single day of my life is a struggle becuase i hate working so much. all the things i wanted in my life, like a family, children, a home, i'm realizing i will probably never get to have, becuase i can barely force myself to work enough to even take care of myself. its like my body and my brain and my soul fight it so much, because I know in the very core of my being that it is just so WRONG.
i'm tired of rationalizing this evil. because thats what this is, evil. and i am not responsible for any of it. not a single shred. all of this is against my will. all of it. i am absolutely terrorfied for my future. i have no idea how to enjoy life even when i'm NOT working, becuase i'm constantly stress about money, constantly surrounded by insane psychopathic capitalists, it's all just a never ending giant three dimensional horror show that gets worse and worse by the day.
why?! why is this life?! i cannot fathom for the life of me why this has to be what life is. i'm tired of feeling sad, i'm tired of feeling depresses, i'm tired of feeling exhausted, i'm tired of feeling angry, i just dont want to fucking DO this anymore. i just want to be DONE. i'm tired of feeling like a baby for feeling this way, it's not fucking fair and i just want to be fucking done. instead, other working class bootlickers traumatized from their own hardship judge me and condemn me for my feelings because i havn't put myself through as much horror as they deem necessary to feel justified about the horror THEY went through.
i just hate being alive so much i don't even know what to say anymore. i just want to be done. i don't know what to do. there is no support for people like me. i'm tired of meditating, i'm tired of trying to force myself to appreciate nature, i'm tired of philosophy, i'm tired of trying to rationalize any of this, i'm tired of forcing myself to feel gratitude for being alive.
i'm not fucking grateful for this. i just want to fast forward to when i die so I can get this fucking nightmare life over with already. death, whatever comes after this, HAS to be better than this life experience. It just has to. this world is a fucking nightmare plain and simple, and if you don't feel that way, then fucking congratulations I guess you're better than me. i dont know what to tell you.
i just want to be done. if there was a higher power at all, it would save me from this fucking 24/7/365 misery. but it doesn't, it just forces me to experience more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more over and over and over and over again. i just want to be done