I write this knowing that I will be dead soon. I don't know how living would be possible for me. I have very little money left, and I won't get another job to allow me to live. It has been about 6 months since I came into an amount of money that allowed me to go on this long without a job. Thinking about working again brings up an extreme sense of fear for me, as I have never had a job in the last 14 years that hasn't ended well. I would like to live, but without an income is impossible. I will be, and have become, a burden to everyone around me if I continue like this.
I do have a few people around me that don't wish for me to die. But, those same people continue to belittle me and tell me to get a job. No one knows that I have constant nightmares about working and regular panic attacks. It's not as simple as “Everyone has to work when they don't like it”, I… can't.
Not looking for support, as nothing can be done. Just thought sending this out into the world, rather than typing it up on notepad, world be better. Thanks