I'm a waitress at a 55+ community. I generally like my management and my coworkers, and a lot of the residents are nice too. It's the best job I've had, which is kinda sad because it still sucks with how normalized long shifts are here and how we get in trouble for nearing overtime.
I'm so tired. I am so tired of serving. Pretending to be happy and enthusiastic for 8-12 hours a day is so fucking exhausting. I'm tired of working for people. I'm so tired of wearing an exaggerated smile for hours on end every day to the point where my lips are cracking by the end of my shift. I'm so tired of feeling like I live to work. I'm so done and I want to quit. I've fallen back into a depressive episode over the last couple of weeks and it's getting even harder to get myself to go to work. I make an okay wage, but we don't get tips and I still can't pay some of my bills despite it being the highest wage I've ever made.
I really want to pursue content writing, whether it be for others or my own blog, but I have no energy or mental clarity at the end of the day to get anything off the ground, I just feel so braindead and tired.
Where do I even go from here? I feel so stuck and so miserable. This is unsustainable and I'm so scared I'll have a mental breakdown or full burnout, and I'm so scared I'll start drinking again even though I've been sober since October. It's getting harder and harder every day.
I just want to make everything stop.