I make slightly above minimum wage. It isn't much I'm still under the federal poverty limit and get wic, snap, and medicaid. If I were to get a “raise” of two dollars an hour more I'd end up losing my benefits which is terrifying some days. I'm constantly juggling which bill needs to be paid the electric or the water bill. At least gas is included in my rent but that doesn't really help when my rent will be increasing an extra $200 a month in April. I already pay too much for this shitty 1 bedroom apartment that has ants and roaches and the people living above us are constantly fighting and screaming at each other.
Last week I missed 4 days of work because my toddler was sick. Her pediatrician had no sick appointments available. My daughter was vomiting, had a fever spike of 102 degrees. The lady who runs my daughter's daycare out of her home said not to bring her so she wouldn't get the other kids sick. The on call nurse at my daughter's pediatrician office said not to take her to urgent care or the emergency room because of the flu/rsv/every thing that's going around. Daycare wanted a doctor's note before she came back. Get an earful from my manager about how I'm “letting the store team down” by missing so many days. I can't work if I don't have childcare for my kid. Pediatrician saw her last Thursday, wrote a note for me to take to my manager and another note to take to daycare and I thought that was that. I'm still getting nasty comments from my store manager and district manager about how I left the store “high and dry” while being out for 4 days, because you know I can totally control what my daughter picks up and brings home from daycare!
I paid rent on Wednesday. I thought I had enough in my bank account to last me until my snap benefits loaded on the 7th. I just needed to get a few groceries and a small pack of diapers for my daughter to get us through. I had less than $100 worth of stuff in my cart, my kid was cranky and I was just ready to check out and go home. Get to the check out, cashier rings everything up. My card declined and the cashier said to try again. Card declined again. My daughter is starting to act feral at this point, trying to climb out of the cart. I can feel my face getting hot and I start tearing up because now there's this long line behind me and this older lady is giving me and my daughter a shitty, mean look. I tell the cashier not to worry about it and I scoop up my kid (who is now throwing a tantrum and trying to escape from my arms to run around Walmart) and walk back to my car.
As I'm trying to buckle my daughter into her carseat, she head butts me so hard in the nose I see stars. Fight with the two year old to get her into her carseat and she's losing her mind, crying and screaming and trying to get out of her seat while I check my banking app to see where my money went. Turns out, my water bill had automatically came out of my bank account (it wasn't due until the 5th but I guess since the 5th is on a Sunday they went ahead and took the payment out early) but they double charged my card. I just felt sick to my stomach looking at the double charges and how it sent my bank account into the negative by sixty bucks.
Once I got home, I got the toddler settled and called my bank. They weren't much help and told me I had to wait for the pending charge to fall off and that it was the waterworks company's fault. There wasn't much they could do. Just have to wait for the waterworks company to let go of the other pending charge once they see my water bill was paid. I'm just so tired. I've put in what feels like hundreds of job applications to get a better paying job, one that actually pays me better than what I get with my government assistance. I'd love to not live in a shit hole of an apartment and be able to provide my daughter with everything she needs and wants. I'm just tired of living like this and I'm so embarrassed by what happened earlier. I just don't feel like it should be so hard to survive and actually make a living.