TLDR: I'm mentally disabled and feel lost now that I realize how often I was taken advantage of.
Hello my name is 410ham and I'm was a workaholic. Life has been awful for me since covid. I understand now for all the work I've put into places I was making the business a ridiculous amount of money compared to other people. I spent most of covid learning about antiwork ideas and now refuse to do my best work unless I have direct compensation.
I used to work 60-80 hours a week especially through winter. I used to go as hard as I could and impressed most every boss I've had. I've pushed others to do more and more, helped create a culture at a restaurant of everyone coming in early and staying late to the point when we lost two of our 9 cooks when just kept it at 7 and gave out more OT.
Point is I LIVED for work, When I wanted to KMS the first reason not to was “They need me at work” then I'd think about my fiancé and feel guilt they weren't the first thing.
Since covid Kitchens have become so much more fair that places don't seem to ask you to attempt the impossible regularly. They're more okay with imperfection and encourage people to clean fast and get out instead of Actually cleaning at night.
I've tried factories and killed it there too but without the joy and passion of cooking I was only in it for the money, no factory is ever going to be willing to pay me more than a senior employee since they all do time scale raises with little accounting for merit. I shattered so many records at one factory with a production average of 98% compared to the team average of 60%. I told the HR lady I wanted 1$ raise and that they'd need two people to replace me, she said she agreed they'd need two people and reminded me of how energetic and happy I was before my review asking me not to quit.
Idk ig the main thing is that for 8 years I never thought about money when I went to work, I didn't really care what my wage was other than that it had to be higher than people doing less work than me. I never had a job until the factory last year where I was coming in for survival and not joy.
For reference I'm Autistic, OCD, and ADHD which have lead me to feel comfortable only when I'm CONSTANTLY working. During the slow season at restaurants I'd often ask the boss if I could leave first or if everyone else could watch the line so I could focus on cleaning. I can't imagine myself at anything other than a manual labor team based job, which leads me to understand I'll be poor my whole life.