I just started a job. It's for an interesting charity that I think actually does decent work. It's a nice position. I'd probably do okay if I stayed there, even salaries in this sector aren't so competitive, at least in the UK.
The truth is, I don't want to do it. I've been spoiled by years of working as an online freelance writer. I don't think I realised it at the time, but working for myself in that way, acquiring clients and sometimes working for agencies, gave me the exact work/life balance I wanted.
I applied for this new position out of a fear of losing out on clients due to AI tools like ChatGPT, and also because I'm hitting my thirties soon and wanted to have “a real job” that I could stand behind.
I don't like the rigours of a normal salaried position though. I'm not “above it” or anyone who chooses this path. In fact, it's something I should probably just accept. But working my own hours, working remotely, having time for my own hobbies, keeping two hours of my day that I'd otherwise spend on my commute, not having a manager to track me down and give reports to, not feeling the need to abide by an overarching contract, and being able to live where I want, were all perks I really dismissed the importance of. I'm only earning a few thousand more a year than I usually would to offset all that. Even small things, like having to put up with office niceties and false laughing to build bonds with colleagues feels gross. Working freelance leverages a kind of authenticity that really makes these false workplace environments feel stark.
As someone not interested in raising kids or having a family, this feels like a massive downgrade in living style. Moreover, my salary is fixed and I can't extend myself like I might have done before to earn even more.
All-in-all, I want to go back to my old working habits, I felt much happier in them. But I can't tell if I'm being completely pathetic in prioritising that. In fact, I probably am. Have you ever made a decision like this? I'm not sure what to do, to be honest.
I know this is an antiwork reddit, but if I am being pathetic, please call me out on it. I think I just need a reality check from people I appreciate.