I think I have finally found a place where I can share my secret that nobody knows about and which I've been keeping since 2009.
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
First a little bit about myself as I think it’s relevant. I’m a millennial born in 1983 in Eastern Europe and I have been living in the US since 2004.
It’s also very important for you to know my world view and what shaped it. Although I grew up in post-communist country that looked at capitalism like it was a saviour that will bring happiness to all, for some reason growing up, me and my friends developed an incredibly strong hatred towards corporations, very rich people and politicians. It was so bad that I vowed to die of hunger rather than ever work for a corporation. Unfortunately, life has its ways and once the reality hit me, I have quickly sold my soul to the devil and started working for them, quickly going up the ranks. Luckily, my moral voice never shut up about that betrayal and I started feeling more and more guilty, but at the same time I was too weak to give up my comfortable life on good salary, with so many benefits and a 9-5 on the dot arrangement. But I knew I had to do something as every time I walked into these evil corps offices, I felt like a horrible person and it was eating me alive from inside everyday.
I knew something has to change, so I started working on a way to live in line with my morals (at least to some extent) but at the same time enjoy the money and perks working for these companies gives you. It took me weeks to figure something out but finally I did it:
What if on the outside I’m a perfect corporate drone, always good performer, ticking all the boxes, doing whatever it takes to get promoted (and I wanted to get promoted as high as possible so I can do the maximum damage) but in reality, each action I take, loses company money, wastes their time or resources, creates confusion and inefficiencies. Like a little troll that by making small undetectable mistakes on purpose causes a lot of small damage that adds up to a big one. I thought that as long as in a year, I’ll lose company 150% of the cost of my salary and benefits, it would be a good start. I called this approach “Corporate Virus” and started to put my plan into action.
At the beginning it was difficult as it’s not easy to mess something up in a way it doesn’t get traced back to you but slowly I started to find ways. For example, whenever I had to hire consultants, I would never negotiate the price down and just accept a first quote. Then I thought of something even better. I started asking for completely useless services to be added to the quote, often greatly inflating the price. But that was not enough, and I needed more. The feeling it gave me was like a drug, I loved getting praise from my bosses for my great performance knowing that this month I have lost company thousands of $$$. I knew I was hooked, and I knew I needed more…
So I did continue to find ways to either lose the money outright, or slow something down, or mess something up, etc. For example, if I noticed a mistake in the reports, especially where such mistake could cost the company a lot, but there is no way it can be traced to me, I would just ignore it. Few times it caused companies several hundreds of thousands of $$$ in fines or adjustments. Whenever I was involved in an urgent matter that required meetings etc., I would purposely slow it down, presentations I prepared would be very long, complex, confusing, but still looking very professional because, you know, we are a serious company, we do thing properly and it’s a complex issue so of course the PP will be complex boss.
And then one day, I’ve found out about this book and things went wild from there:
This book was written by CIA almost at the end of WW2 and distributed secretly in countries occupied by Nazis during in order to slow down their war machine. Since I believe in a class war, this was perfect for me! I’m at war with greedy rich, and I just got a manual on how to do it! Since then (2009) I’ve been following it, perfecting it, expanding it and I started writing a book tiled something like: “How to fuck up your greedy boss’s business badly without getting caught.”
One more thing, when I first started doing it, I also started keeping a spreadsheet where I note how much I lost each employer when I know the sum exactly (it’s at $863,000 and that's CASH not revenue) at the moment, but I’m sure that the chaos, delays, and confusion I created cost those bastards easily above $1 million already.
My dream one day is that I will get to the top where I can make a real damage going into tens of millions or maybe I'll even achieve my dream by making some evil company go bankrupt. For now, I’m already a Senior Manager with quite a lot of power so I can actually do some serious damage. I’m hoping to reach documented $1 million cash losses by early 2023.
I’ve included a link to the whole CIA book, but I also thought I’ll provide some good summary so you could all start on the “virus” work.
My motto is: “If I’m too small to take them down in one blow, I’ll rot them from inside little by little.”
I believe that one day, each company will be filled with Millennial, GenZ & GenX “sleeper agents” who will slowly erode those leeches from the inside. I think that’s the only way. Stay strong my brethren, we will win this fight!
One last thing to clarify, I’m highly specialised financial advisor and my profession means that I can only work for huge Global corporations that are usually pure evil with operations in many countries and usually 100,000+ employees. I would never do that to a private business that is honest and ethical but I purposely target those evil ones when I change my job as I basically look for the biggest asshole I can get hired by and that’s my choice.
TLDR; Even though I promised myself to never work for evil corps, I sold my soul to the devil and I did. I couldn’t live with myself for betraying my ideals like that that so I decided to quietly mess things up for the companies I work for to make them loose money and resource. This helped me with my moral dilemma and since 2009 I have lost companies exactly $863,000 cash just by applying and expanding the advice below.
IMPORTANT: Everything I do is completely legal, and I never venture into doing something that would get me into real trouble. I always do things in a way that at best all they can say is that I made a big mistake and just sack me. Ultimately, it's not illegal (yet) to be a shitty employee that is good at pretending that he's a good one. So please, don't do anything stupid to get you in legal trouble or loose your job when you cannot afford to or have people that depend on you for the income.
Book Summary
Organizations and Conferences
- Insist on doing everything through “channels.” Never permit short-cuts to be taken in order to expedite decisions.
- Make “speeches.” Talk as frequently as possible and at great length. Illustrate your “points” by long anecdotes and accounts of personal experiences.
- When possible, refer all matters to committees, for “further study and consideration.” Attempt to make the committee as large as possible — never less than five.
- Bring up irrelevant issues as frequently as possible.
- Haggle over precise wordings of communications, minutes, resolutions.
- Refer back to matters decided upon at the last meeting and attempt to re-open the question of the advisability of that decision.
- Advocate “caution.” Be “reasonable” and urge your fellow-conferees to be “reasonable” and avoid haste which might result in embarrassments or difficulties later on.
Managers
- In making work assignments, always sign out the unimportant jobs first. See that important jobs are assigned to inefficient workers.
- Insist on perfect work in relatively unimportant products; send back for refinishing those which have the least flaw.
- To lower morale and with it, production, be pleasant to inefficient workers; give them undeserved promotions.
- Hold conferences when there is more critical work to be done.
- Multiply the procedures and clearances involved in issuing instructions, pay checks, and so on. See that three people have to approve everything where one would do.
Employees
- Work slowly.
- Contrive as many interruptions to your work as you can.
- Do your work poorly and blame it on bad tools, machinery, or equipment. Complain that these things are preventing you from doing your job right.
- Never pass on your skill and experience to a new or less skilful worker.