I took a job almost three months ago now that was supposed to be two weeks of freelance then a full-time offer. They've been telling me since September 30th the offer was “coming this week.” It's never going to come. I get paid by check, and I've only been paid three times because the checks take so long to come by mail. No benefits. No PTO. I am going to have to start from scratch again on the job hunt because this isn't sustainable. There was never a full-time offer coming at all, I'm realizing. I'm an idiot.
Realizing this made me confront how completely over my life — as I saw it — is at this point. I'm 33. I got laid off in the pandemic, and again earlier this year during that round of big tech layoffs. I'm functionally unemployable when you look at my resume because of job hopping. I was going to get my IUD removed in April to start trying for a baby with my husband and like… who am I kidding? That's a pipe dream. We can't have a fucking baby when I'm semi-employed. No one is going to hire a pregnant woman and I'll get axed if I get knocked up early on in a job. Last week, I wrote down a baby name list. I was so excited. But I'll never be a mother. Capitalism stole that dream for me. There's nothing left for me but 50 or 60 years of day-in, day-out complete and total misery. What is even the point anymore?