I know I'm in the mad minority, but I like working, I like seeing fruits of my labour. I managed to get into industry of commercial art and my work directly ensures what people enjoy in their leisure (myself included) has the least issues it can. But I'm so fucking miserable, because of how I have to work with people outside of what my job actually entails. I'm on the spectrum, I'm diagnosed with ADHD and I might have autism (can't afford insurance as I was born sick and they don't even cover preexisting conditions usually for years and even later only partially, so I'd pay more and not have the money to actually pay for my treatment, but that's beside the point, but the point for that is: I cannot afford diagnosis for that, so I won't know for sure). I struggle. As high functioning as I always thought I was, the longer I live as an adult (I'm in my mid 20s), the more issues I have. Things which are perfectly normal for me to hear or say are taken as an issue, I don't understand many human rituals and so on. I feel like I act too human for humans, if that makes sense, but also not human enough in the sense of estabilished human rituals. With the housing crisis, never having the ability to afford living on my own (the sole few happy instances in my life was when all my flatmates were gone for holidays and once when I afforded an entire apartment in a 3rd world country for the time of my recovery, because I couldn't afford a surgery anywhere else) and being forced into human interactions which don't add up to my work at all, I'm finding myself extremely miserable. I don't like cars, I don't want to drive and even if I wished to, I'll never be able to afford one as it's hard for me to afford public transport so I walk everywhere and need to ensure with housing I can realistically walk everywhere I need on a regular basis. I just really wish I was able to work a job which actually creates something, as mine does now, which makes me happy, but without all the bullshit rituals of unnecessary cult-like bonding, seemingly for the sake of it. I wish I was able to afford living alone. I just really wish I could choose when to communicate and be able to stop at will. That's why I like multiplayer games with matchmaking and Reddit – I choose when to communicate and I can stop on a whim. I'm introverted by nature, if that wasn't clear.
I needed to vent. If someone for whatever reason read through that, thank you for your time.