Trigger warning im very suicidal and depressed right now
My husband lost his job. We were already having marital issues. I had been working extra 12 hour shifts to save money and it was gone so fast once that happened. Then we had to max out our already high debt credit card. Open another and full it too. My bank account is overdrawn. I couldn't pay my bills because I had to miss work for this stress migraine that keeps coming back. I've gotten two toridol shots to stop it and it barely gives relief. My next check will be short for the same reason and it will automatically be shorter because of the overdraw. I'm so stressed. My hair is falling out, my skin is peeling off, my stomach is always turning. I couldn't give my son the Halloween I wanted to and I know his holidays won't be what he deserves either. He's 2 and this is the second year of me not doing well enough to make his childhood as magical as I wanted to. I hate my job and they treat us like shit but I can't leave because I have our only income and I need to keep our health insurance.
After working 3-6 12 hour shifts in a week I still have to find time for my son's occupational, speech, and developmental therapies. Housework. Cooking. Sleep. I'm sobbing on my break in my car and am still watching the time, knowing I'll be in trouble for going over when I get back. Even if I got a new job and even if my husband gets one we will still be worked to death, we still will spend more waking hours apart than together. My dream was to buy a house and live there forever, that's all I fucking wanted and it will never happen. My life is not my own. I am not my own. Things could get better but I don't think they could ever become okay. I think I'm finally going to kill myself because I'm tired of regretting every time I haven't.