(Please allow the throwaway, I could get fired for this post).
I started working in a two year graduate program and my pay was adequate but we were promised a $15k payrise upon completion and it was very much always treated as an incentive and reward.
For 2 years, I've been excited about the $15k payrise we get as a reward for finishing the program. I lose about 35% of it to Taxes and then another couple of thousands to having to pay back more of my student loans (but that has been hit by inflation too because technically they don't have interest but they get put up every year), and I was expecting that, but I wasn't expecting to basically not see a damn cent of it because it would all get swallowed up by the fucking cost of living.
But my rent is going up $125 a week in March, my utility companies have sent emails advising of pricing increases this year, my doctor and therapist are charging more, I swear it costs double to buy groceries compared to when I started the job. It is all fucking going to be gone before I can actually enjoy a cent.
I want to fucking cry. I'm sick of existing.
I was looking forward to being able to treat myself a little instead of every cent going to necessities. Nothing extravagant but being able to order a dessert and a second glass of wine when I go out to dinner with friends, get a fancier manicure with some art rather than just a plain colour dip, treating myself to the a vinyl (I collect them) when my favourite band has a new release, and saving some of the money and taking a trip to Korea and Japan at the end of next year (I'll be 30 in November and have been overseas once before on a study trip to France I won a scholarship for years ago so i don't even think I'm being entitled because I was prepared to save up).
But nope, all that is gone because they keep putting up the COL so we can't escape wage slave misery.
I'm fucking sick of the phrase “cost of living”. Why should this even be a thing? Why should we be stressed out with how to pay to keep ourselves alive? I didn't ask to be here, and I quite frankly wish I WASN'T here stuck on this hamster wheel, but I have to worry about how much it costs to buy chicken breasts or eggs and pay for hot water. I'm sick of being told “at least you get the payrise” as if we should be OK with this COLD bullshit.
And to make it all worse, I hate having to work full time hours. 5 days of my week are take up by my wage slave obligations. I have Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder and have to spend the weekends catching up on sleep because I am always forced to wake up too early for my body and then sleep half the day on the weekend. Melatonin and stuff doesn't work because it just makes me feel even worse the next day. I never see my friends anymore, I barely have time to do anything. My life feels completely consumed my job. I hate it. I hate it.
I'm just so so so so so fucking done. I finally thought I was getting a little ahead, only for it all to be snatched away from me.