I want to start this rant by mentioning I do feel incredibly blessed and I understand there is an unfathomable amount of people in this world who are in life positions worse than I will ever be able to comprehend. I am still going to use this platform to unload some weight from my shoulders because I honestly don't know where else to.
I am the general manager of an incredibly busy restaurant and have been doing so since the Covid pandemic. I am no stranger to food service, this is my twelfth year managing restaurants. I never hated the job and with no college education the industry has provided well for me. I enjoy the pace and the constant problem solving fits my personality well.
The issue I have is not with the work but with the conditions that I am currently exposed to. My week consists of 5~14 hour days, starting at 9:50 AM and leaving work in between 11 PM and 12 PM. With the commute this leaves exactly 8 hours left to sleep if I can somehow unwind from the day fast enough to achieve this. My “weekend” consists of two weekdays, luckily back to back; the first of which is entirely consumed by sleep. The second is filled with errands, housework and yardwork. I am fortunate enough to be single with no children and the thought of either fills me with anxiety. Even in my early 30's I barely have enough energy to exist let alone have anything left to give to a family. Even if the desire was there I would have no idea where to begin to find a partner. The little free time I have is spent preparing for the following week and allotting any time to dating means sacrificing a huge chunk of self care.
The actual work isn't entirely unbearable but everyday is exhausting. The best anology I can come up with is each day I walk 10 miles juggling a knife, an egg and a hot coal. I have to be aware enough to catch the knife, cautious enough to not break the egg, and tough enough to endure the heat of the coal. It constantly feels that if I stumble or lose focus for even a second than I lose the trust of the employees and the owners. In order to run the restaurant in conjunction with my conscience I make an active effort to treat each employee with respect and treat them like human beings. This entails: not guilt tripping or pressuring them to come in when their sick or call out for a justified reason, being as accurate with money and timelines as possible, delegating only tasks that would be more effecient for each individual to do instead of myself, and constant introspective on the way I am managing. It is both mentally and physically destroying me.
Even through all of this I would say I love my job and the people I work for are genuinely good people. I don't know how much of my opinions are Stockholm syndrome or original thoughts but the owners work the same crazy schedule I do if not worse. I see growth within the company and working directly for people that have built a multy restaurant empire from the ground up gives me the drive to continue to break my back day after day. This job has provided me plenty of benefits including the fact that I am fortunate enough to own a house and drive a reliable vehicle; both of which also provide me with a substantial amount of debt. Each benefit further handcuffing me to being the wage slave I currently am.
With fifty+ current employees dependent on my active duty and the shackles of overwhelming debt, quitting is literally an option I cannot even justify day dreaming about. Every day I just wake up and go through the motions fully invested and as I write this I still have no idea what the purpose of it all is.
If you made it to the end I thank you for your time and if you can relate I'd love to hear your story.