I’ve been feeling like there’s no point in learning anything or trying to better myself and I wanted to share to see if anyone else is feeling this way and if so how you are dealing with it.
Background:
Up until around my mid-20s I had a positive attitude to the acquisition of information. I never had a very good attention span (suspect ADHD, not diagnosed), but I was naturally good at memorising things and had a desire to understand how the world worked.
I found that the more I learned the more frustrating I found it to see history repeating itself and/or obvious trends playing out. Certain kinds of media/government propaganda (e.g. dividing the population into ‘us’ and ‘them’ to instil fear and subsequently assert control, distraction techniques to divert attention from the antics of the rich and powerful) are as old as time and still used successfully today. Individuals can learn about these things but it would seem the population as a whole is never going to.
I don’t think humans are fundamentally ‘good’ or ‘bad’. I think most people have the capacity to demonstrate immense kindness or intense harm depending on the circumstances.
I’ve lost my interest in the humanities/social sciences because I just feel fed up. Everything feels circular. You learn about history and then watch it play out again with different characters.
I work in tech, and every project feels the same. Same characters, same issues, over and again.
I just have this overwhelming feeling of having seen it all before. Obviously I HAVEN’T seen it all before, I’m not an omniscient super-being, it just feels like nothing interests or surprises me any more.
The idea of learning for the sake of it feels hollow and the idea of learning to be ‘the best version of myself I can be’ feels pointless. I have no desire to ‘better myself’ for either myself or anyone else.
I’ve tried several anti-depressants but they all made me a bit slow mentally and my work suffered so I had to stop. I’ll consider taking them again if/when I can get myself into a stable enough financial position for my work/income to potentially take a hit.
Things that haven’t helped:
- Lifting weights
- Eating healthily
- Fresh air and exercise
- Hobbies (no attention span, too tired)
- The thought of being told to ‘be proactive, take affirmative action and/or join a pressure group! 🫵🤪’ makes me feel very tired and like I haven’t explained myself properly.
- ‘Life is what you make it!’ Ok great, thanks.
Is this possibly a late stage capitalism thing or am I just a grumpy old man?