Sorry if this doesn't belong here?
Double sorry, 'cause I didn't intend to write a novella.
I don't speak about my job problems with the people in my life [save for my equally struggling partner], so I figure this sub would likely have a better reaction than anywhere else.This account may say “throwaway” but it's sadly now my permanent account. RIP to forgotten passwords.
Long story short [ tl;dr ] :: Saw a tiktok encouraging to put a specific [rather large] company on a resume on account they don't have an HR department. [At the very least, there's no way to contact them.] So I did. Now I feel like I have a big PP.
Of course, I'm not saying I'm a rocket scientist without a degree or anything. Just something simple I'm very familiar with already.
The context no one asked for::
I've been really struggling in finding/keeping jobs that I can work without completely… spiraling.I struggle with some undiagnosed issues I won't get into. And of course, I'm unable to get them diagnosed–or treated–without health insurance. And I'm poor.
Searching for a job has been absolute hell. Working in customer service kills me. My stress/anxiety levels skyrocket because I feel trapped. As most of you know, you can't defend yourself in customer service without the very real threat of losing your job, your home, your entire life.I have some trauma, and being in a positions where I am unable to defend myself sends me into a panic attack. I hate it. I hate it so fucking much. It makes me feel so broken, and pathetic, and utterly worthless.
Getting into a position where there's zero customer-interaction is damn near impossible unless you have particular experiences. Which I do. But because my former employer(s) have taken advantage of me, the titles on my resume don't match my experiences. Nor did the pay.
I've adjusted my resume quite a bit since the start of the new year. I was offered one job for the oh-so-impressive wage of $9/hr at part-time hours. Basic, ground-level Customer Service to boot. I accepted on the spot because I've been feeling like shit and just want to feel like I'm… like I'm not a waste of oxygen. But I had to call them the following day and retract my acceptance because I knew it wouldn't be worth it. I wouldn't live through it. It ate at me for a couple weeks. “Should I have just sucked it up?”
I just put my fake job experience on my resume today, and sent out a whole assload of applications to remote jobs with zero customer interaction in fields I know I can easily handle.There's a part of me–that child part that feels kinda bad about it. I wish the world was how I thought it was when I was a kid. I'm sure we all feel that way.But the bigger part–the close to 30yrs part that's jaded, and angry. I've tried so motherfucking hard to find something that wouldn't make me want to… yeet myself into the next life.Sending out those resumes made me feel like I had finally figured out how to play the system a little bit; The Game.
I really hope something good reaches out. I'm so tired… I'm really fucking tired.
I have other things I'd rather do for a living. Things I could be actively working on. Personal projects. Mental health keeps me from it though. All I can think about is “money this, money that.” If I'm not doing something that directly earns me money today, why do it at all?
Which, I know, is a shitty, stupid mindset to have. Money isn't important. People act like it's the only thing that matters. Fuck your family, your friends, the entire world. So long as you have money, everything is peachy-keen.It's just hard when your success is measured by the zeros in your bank account. It's hard to remind yourself to actually live a little. I feel like I haven't been alive these past couple years. There's days where it's not so bad, of course. I have things/people I deeply care about. But it honestly adds to the pressure. “How can I take care of XYZ if I don't have a job? What does XYZ think of me for all my failures?” And then my dumb ass is also: “I can't even pursue my passions anymore, I really am a failure.”
So, here I am, still looking for a shitty job, to get shitty money, to pretend I'm happy for a little while when all I want to do is fuck off and live on a little stream/river somewhere in the woods, somewhere I don't have to smell gasoline and hear sirens every second of every day. But I can't do that because I'm not a fucking millionaire.
I want to scream.
Send me your good vibes so I can make money without talking to people.
P.s. Lie on your resume. Do it. Just don't be stupid and say you worked for NASA. Fuck, tailor it for each individual application. Just make sure they match if it's for the same company. Put down history for a job that relates to what you're applying for.