Sometimes, most of the time rather, I feel ashamed of myself for hating my job and not trying my hardest. I am an employment advisor. I am tasked with helping individuals with disabilities find work. I help them with resumes, cover letters, interviews, etc. A lot of people think that it is such an amazing thing to do, helping people and all, but honestly with all the paperwork and politics and the fact that I feel like I am a bad fit for the company and was only given the position out of desperation and politics, I an in tears before I even get out of bed.
I have to speak to a group of clients every week about topics that are relevant to getting a job and staying employed, like conflict resolution and how to stay motivated and how to manage your emotions. But these are all skills that I struggle with myself.
I feel like an imposter, a false prophet while I’m at work. I feel morally wrong for not being passionate about what I do. It feels like everyone can tell I don’t belong there. Plus, the constant networking and follow up I am expected to do. Dealing with employers and parents and teachers and counselors, everyone wanting peak performance from you. I find myself completely overwhelmed.
And it’s not like my coworkers are toxic or anything. It’s just the nature of the place plus my social anxiety and core values don’t play well together. Sometimes I feel like I should be grateful, other times I feel like I can’t stomach another week.