Let me start by saying, my dad was effed over by various companies growing up. Constantly laid off or the victim of office politics or racial discrimination. I always thought that he was being dramatic or just had a victim mentality. He brought up things like gaslighting, racism, scapegoating, office affairs and quid pro quo to me at a young age, before the internet was popular so I’m now realizing that he was in fact the victim in most of these situations, especially before the “woke” era and cell phones/recording devices were accessible. I always thought he was delusional and paranoid, but I’m now realizing he wanted to make sure I was not naive when I entered the work force.
Fast forward to a year ago- I got my first job in a healthcare system’s corporate office. Its a catholic company so I thought maybe there would be some sane people there. NOPE. Immediately noticed the weird ass games being played- my 40f manager over sharing to get information about my personal life. First time I met her she is telling me about how her family is full of drug addicts, grew up in a trailer and her husband has autism, then started prying me for information on my personal life. I grey rocked of course. (This woman has like 3 degrees). Did not know basics of my job role, just gave vague nonsense about the projects I would be working on with her boss and tried to be intimidating (lol). Noticed she was very very close w her boss.
Started projects w her boss 30sM. He tried to be flirty. Immediately shut it down yet it continued. There were 2 older men in my role who had never interacted w this man and were making my life hell out of jealousy. Suggestively saying “oh another meeting with ‘bosses boss’” and would talk shit about me in their Skype messages which I noticed when they shared their screens accidentally. I suggested our meetings be set up over the computer instead of in person because they seemed unnecessary. He mentioned he was married. Stopped getting projects completely. Spoke to my 40f direct boss about it who suggested I “walk past his office a couple of times and get his attention. Maybe talk to him about your life”. (Wtf?). I asked to wfh and was granted that permission. Boss took us all out to lunch and during this lunch my dumb ass coworker starts talking about blowing up mosques in front of everyone to provoke me (I’m muslim). My boss and other coworkers were there and laughed along with him. Talked to my boss about it afterwards- she was not aware I was muslim. Gaslights me saying I’m being too sensitive. Then the next day calls me on my cell phone and tells me she let HR know I “felt discriminated against.” Those words never came out of my mouth and she just wanted to make sure she got her story in first.
Fast forward a few months. I was given more difficult projects than the other two men in my role and did not feel I was adequately compensated. Asked my boss for a salary adjustment. Acts surprised(lol). Speaks w her boss who immediately asks higher ups and I end up with a 16k salary increase and a title change. Now report directly to bosses boss who has behaved for the past few months w no flirting. Thought I was safe. Nope! Few days after accepting I start getting rapey messages saying vulgar things about my body from someone’s burner account on my private instagram which is 1)not associated with my phone # or email 2)does not contain any photos of me or my name. The person gives enough information that I have a feeling it’s my boss but not enough proof to get him in trouble without starting a lawsuit and getting a subpoena for his IP address. I feel disgusting and like I’m having a legally blonde moment because I had busted my ass for months and yet was still being reduced to an object. Made me paranoid that any congrats or projects I was getting from higher ups was all a rouse to get in my pants, and that they were all playing games to see how naive I was and which one of them could bang me first. (All married men).
Since I had gotten the title change, I was stuck in the role for a few months otherwise other companies would ask why I’m leaving so soon. Nothing I did was relevant to my title so therefore non transferable to any other company, which I’m realizing now that I’m interviewing. Got to the final round of interviews for an internal transfer- was basically given a verbal offer and I am 99% sure my boss sabotaged it. Which didn’t matter anyway, because the director for the job I interviewed for was doing some weird ass negging/PUA shit.
During this time I kept all communication with people in my office regardless of gender professional and cordial since I was already very aware of how things are in office environments. No friendships, barely ever smiling and no details of my personal life. I dressed professionally, light makeup and no flirting with anyone ever. I came in as an ambitious employee and less than a year later I have no interest in working an office job ever again. I feel jaded as hell and having trouble finding other jobs.