- Don’t call in sick unless you actually are really sick. This is a tricky one as it’s sooooo tempting to pull a sicky for a job you hate and sometimes we all need to do this I get it. However if you are trying to get away with the bare minimum it’s important you show up and be on time. People are much less likely to realise your a slacker if you show up on time everyday and are rarely ill.
- Be nice to your coworkers – seems simple enough but the potential for being snitched on decreases massively if people actually like you. So learn your coworkers names, ask them about their families, what they did at the weekend etc. people are much more likely to overlook any work related shortcoming if they think your a decent person.
- Mention at points (but not all the time) how busy you are – even when you are not. Just don’t overdo it. Something like “man I wanted to do that report last week but I was just so busy I didn’t have the time” subtle comments like this are great at giving people the impression you are working super hard all the time.
- Be wary of who you can trust and who you can’t – in my experience there are more snitches than not in most work places. Don’t ever reveal too much about yourself – some of these snitch bitches will use whatever they can against you.
- Have some kind of project/spreadsheet that you are “working on”when you are “not busy” – this gives you an easy out if anyone ever asks what you’ve been doing. You don’t have to actively use it – just Bob a bit of information down in there once every couple of weeks.
- Remove your ego – if you are clashing with someone over work related things just drop it – it’s not worth it you’re there to get paid and as long as that’s happening nothing else is really that consequential.
- If your employer is more relaxed – make up a phantom reason on why you need to leave work early- it could be bus times/childcare issues/pet care whatever it is try and squeeze an extra 20 minutes of “you time” back into your day. Bonus points if you can come up with a recurring reason.
- Don’t snitch on anyone. Goes without saying really – obviously if you witness racist/homophobic/hateful comments at work please do report the individuals. We might be slackers but we are nice people.
- CHILL! It’s so easy to get caught up in the toxic dealings of your work place , and worrying about work you have to do that it’s easy to forget you are there to get paid. As long as that is happening nothing else matters. (NEVER CARE FOR WHAT THEH DOOOOOOOOO)
I will post more if people like these!
Enjoy my antiwork brethren 🙂