[]
Warning: Story time, wall of text
A bit of a background. I'm Asian. Previously I worked for a localization company. Environment was good, colleagues were great to hang out outside work. Boss- not so good, they don't listen. Anyway, as the economy went down, I was among the people laid off.
In the seek for new work, I applied for a position in a higher education institute. I'll be honest, I had no idea what this job was about. I thought it's like business analyst or something, the JD quite matches my educational background, no experience required, so worth a try, right?
I applied. Phone interview. Boss was interested, asking me if I wanted to try sth else if I missed this, I said yes. Second face-to-face interview, she said someone w/ more experience got it already, so why don't I try something more junior, since she saw potential in me. I was like, ok.
Went to work. Was thrown a lot of random documents and links to the face (company is quite big, they have kinda guidelines and instruction for everything, but you have to know what you're doing and find it yourself on the database). Was told X, the person who supposed to handover to me is transferring to another dept, so I better gain more info quick or she's going to be busy and fly away. I complained to my boss that there isn't really a guideline of this position or what's within my duty, (the position was admin, which included a lot of things) so I'm really confused atm. She was unhappy, dropped some words with hidden meaning about me being arrogant. Told me I should get the job done but make sure not bother everyone else too much. I took note of that. Sadly, X, who could only save 2 – 3 hours of that week, splitted into 2 session to explain things to me, was a total entitled bitch.
While she should be the person who knows what files I would need from her considering she has been doing this job, she asked me to send a list to her. And with the reason that she's busy with her new job, she kept delaying sending me that poor list of files that I'm sure was not enough anyway. I was a total pushover, yes, I was like a coward, begging her to send me those files everyday, not on mail, because I think it would be “friendlier” to ask for it on teams. She said she would zip it, but never did.
One of the task that I needed to do immediately is the finalization of the asset stock take from last year. The worst thing is, that file was forwarded on mail, without the actual attachment. When I pointed that out, she was doubtful and asked me to check the mail again. In the end, I had to asked Y, whom I later found out was working in the same task with X, to help me with the file. When I asked X which step she's currently at for this process, she said, they have done the checking for this year, just need to consolidate with file sent by accounting side. So I did. And by the way, a lot of information was missing from the file, because X did not note it down in the file. But when I asked her about it, she got annoyed and talked about it as if she's the greatest person in the world for remember all the details so clearly.
First serious meeting with the boss. She was not happy about me. She said I was too dull and not caught on tasks that should be under me. The Instances she gave out was:
- When I was on the computer, she went to talk about a new staff with the person next to me, who would need a laptop and I should care about since I'm in charge of the asset, but I was still there on the computer, couldn't care less.
=> In my defense, I didn't hear their conversation. I told her that, but she refused to believe it, saying that her voice was loud enough for me to hear. I couldn't bring myself to tell her: I wouldn't give a shit about what people around say if they don't involve me in the conversation. Isn't it impolite to try to hear what others are saying?
- C, who is a senior in the company, brought stuff over to my place, but only until boss reminded C it's not her duty that I started to help her. She said that I should be the one carrying that, not my colleague.
=> C brought an asset to my place, said we need to put it away, I came to her to help, that's when boss started to “remind” her. I couldn't see C coming, so how could I prevent her from bring the thing to my place instead of like, calling me there to bring it away?
After that meeting, I was shocked, but I tried to calm myself down for the unreasonable and weird thing I heard from the boss (besides saying that I did not live up to her expectation), but it is even more traumatizing that I came back to my desk, I heard her talking about me on the call with X, and X complaining that I kept asking her the same problems, that I did not understand it. I was on the verge of a breakdown right then and the following days. I couldn't sleep well at nights, and I was paranoid when I heard colleagues whispering near me (What I heard: “unfit” “should let go” “company is expanding”). I could sense the way some of the colleagues change attitude toward me too. I thought of booking a consultation session here in the campus, but then again, I could not really say I got traumatized by the people in the office because it would make my boss look bad.
The next week, I had to go to work thinking I had to try my best to please my boss, I was advised to cc her in every mail since she was doubting if I did my job. Btw, the bitch X still did not update to me some parts of my tasks, and the boss was not happy that I could not present her with a complete file.
Later on, there was a problem with the number of monitors bought last year, and boss asked me to gave her details of those monitors. I sent an email to X, asking her to confirm if she bought this [] much of monitors last year, since this is the number I found from the file. She never replied. I had to personally checked the monitors to note down who's using what, just to make sure. Contacted X later on, she said she forgot that she sent some monitors to other campus too, will get me the info for those. Since she (again) took too long, I had to contact the one in charge of that campus for the info, finally sent the complete sheet for my boss.
In second meeting, boss asked me some tricky questions and said I still didn't understand what I was doing (which I agree, cause no one told me or had a file for me to read). She said she expected me to be quicker since I had the asset file in my hand, and questioned why I didn't personally checked again the 1500 something assets in the files (which, let me remind you, X told me I didn't need to) and only checked the monitors the past few days. She said she didn't understand why I couldn't catch up on things that are too easy and only a small part of X's job. (She said X was outstanding btw) She compared me to the existing colleagues, the one who joined the same time with me, and the one who just joined.
“They were all given the same instruction by me, and they could get on their work right away, so why are you struggling? Do you need any help? What makes you struggle? I don't have time to train you for six months” That was my 4th week at the place. The 4th week was mentally taxing. I can't really say anything. I said I don't know. She concluded that it was the lack of revelant experience, as the others have almost 10 years of experience in the same position, but did not forget to say “But in your interview, you said you're so great, you would learn to adapt, you would be quick to learn, so I didn't expect this”. She advise me to quit, which I was relieved about. I was on the verge of crying in the meeting room. I never felt so bad, so useless, and vulnerable before. But I only started crying after I left. Then, I had a meal with the old colleagues, which made me happy. We talked about our old shitty company. One was leaving. Two are still staying there. One was also laid off and still looking for a job. I will still need to give the boss the final decision on tuesday, and hopefully I can get out of there asap. I'm actively looking for freelance jobs now. I realize maybe I shouldn't force myself to do what I don't love just for the sake of a fulltime job. I will be studying and getting some certificates and back myself up, some that more job opportunities will come to me, but not this one, Satan.
TD;DR: Accepted a job I was not passionate about thinking the academic environment will be healthy. It was not, colleagues are assholes, boss keeps gaslighting me knowing I have no relevant background, relieved I will be quitting.
Ps: There was one colleague in the new place that was especially nice to me. She realized I was in a bad shape and actively asked me if I was okay. She also gave me advice, she actually told me I can just leave if it's not for me. Later on, I heard from another person, last December, she came out of the boss' room crying. So that was why she's so understanding. I wish her all the best.
[]