Obviously this is a throwaway becuase my now-ex (although he doesn't know it) boss is aware of at least some of my online identities.
About mid November my stress levels peaked, my head was spinning, my stomach was flipping and the walls were closing in. a little over a decade I had an actual breakdown and was off work for 9 months out of 15, so this time i recognised the warning signs and took action. Went to a locla clinic ( I work remotely) and got singed off for a healthy time period.
Here's some of the behaviours I've put up with for more than 5 years
- Refusal to confirm anything in writing
- Outright lying and accusations that I hadn't sent them information, when i find it, zero apology
- Until i essentially started shutting them down, would regularly scream abuse at me over the phone, leading me to retreat in to a shutdown mode where I couldnt' talk or think
- Extreme anger issues, honestly going remote work helped becuase they wasn't standing there screaming at me
- When I needed their input to move something on, they'd say they'd get back to me soon, os this sounded like a great idea, and then not, then subsequently lose the head with me for not progressing the project, denying we had the conversation where I'd asked them for an update, or straight up lying abotu stuff “Oh I Said this to you 5 times, despite me saying I needed confirmation in writing or I had no way of proving he had said it to me
- Agreeing to reviews then never conducting them
- Saying i wasn't reaching targets or my work was unacceptable and when i asked for targets and KPIs to be set, either saying it was a good idea then doing nothing, or saying “It should be obvious”
- When i suggested after a meeting I email to clarify what was agreed, either saying we dont' ened to do that, or giving out if i did it anyway.
- When I finally told them I was utterly broken, instantly turned it around and played the “poor me” card, and saying what an awful state *I* was leaving the company in by choosing to go out
- In general utterly dismissive of mental health issues, despite telling me another staff member literally had a breakdown, becuase of the policies this boss pursued.
I'm mostly venting, it's possible they may be able to identify the situation from this post, but I may have kept it vague enough that they won't. This is mostly abotu catharsis. I was terrified to leave as I didnt' know how I'd support myself, but there comes a point where the harm and stress of work overwhelm the worry about not having income. Luckily I'm in Europe and we have an excellent social healthcare system which matches my wages to the tune of abotu 75%
So I tel you sistren and brethren, walk away, Iv'e had an actual breakdown and my generalised anxiety as a direct result is a permanent thing. If going in to work makes you feel sick, if dealing with your supervisor makes you unable to eat and you're' consumed with terror abotu any mistake you might make as you second guess the narcissistic sociopath you work for, leave.
It's quite late where i am so I'm heading to bed soon, but I'l check for any comments tomorrow and will try and respond to anyone who replies.