I couldn't understand it. I could work 40+ hours a week before I lost my job and suddenly had time to improve my mental health. I've made amazing progress. It's been three years. But I can't work. I can't even apply for jobs without my brain just shutting down. I'll “wake up” later from being completely zoned out and have to check the date and time. I won't remember that I need to apply to work for days unless someone says something.
I finally panicked and applied for disability, but didn't know to answer questions about “onset of disability”. Even when I read that their strict definition of disability was being unable to work, I just couldn't understand. I had gotten Better. How could being better and healthier mean disabled?
Then my therapist said “The system is broken. Even the Disability system is a part of capitalism.”
That's when it finally clicked. Healing meant recovering simple self-preservation, making me unable to engage with an inherently abusive system. That certainly would be “disabling” to the Capitalist machine.
Relevant information: I couldn't work 40+ hours – Not without my caretaker spouse that handled everything else from housework to food. I've been disabled for a very long time and I'm finally able to accept that.