Antiwork

I work in finance and we have been WFH for the majority of the last two years. There was a short stint last summer we went back in to a hybrid schedule until surprise Covid numbers spiked and they sent us home again. Now because cases are declining we are going back next week. I personally hate working in an office. I see no point to it and it’s giving me anxiety just the thought of returning even a few days. The commute, the mindless chatter, the grey cubicles and fluorescent lights.. Our productivity was the highest its been when we were fully remote, we’ve outgrown the office during the pandemic so we now have to share desks on a staggered schedule so I don’t even sit with my team when Im there. Plus on a personal note my wife has developed physical disabilities and needs my help so working…

I was on the verge of dying and went on Massachusetts approved medical leave. This medical leave ultimately saved my life. I contacted my work stating that I was ready to return, and in response received a termination letter today. I’m devastated.

I hate this. I hate the guilt I feel right now for doing this. I feel like I took a cowards way out. For a very long story put short; Took on a position from someone who left. Was way too much work for one person and my boss used me as the scapegoat in the company for everything that went wrong. Would send emails specially naming me and my mistakes, we had meetings where he called me out in front of people, called me names, mocked my tone of voice. I had constant meetings begging and in tears asking for help and providing more then enough evidence I had more work then possible for one person. He never believed me and gas lit me and would twist my words and I would leave every meeting confused and feeling at fault. He has private meetings about me with other employees…

In the last few weeks, I have applied for well over 50 jobs. All are in fields I have multiple years of experience in despite only being 19. Had to grow up early. For all of the skills- and even more- that the jobs have required, I have scored highly proficient in tests. I only got one response, a single interview, and even that place ghosted me after the interview. I'm actually homeless right now with no one I can currently turn to. I am trying my absolute hardest to get anything at all, and this is all with me applying for entry level positions with minimum wage. I just want to be able to have a job and not be fucking homeless but apparently that's too much to ask of the world. I'm so tired of this.

Quick background leading up to this: I smoke weed, a few days ago while I was delivering for my job the foot step gave way while I was getting out and I fell in between the step and the curb, twisted my ankle and it's been sprained ever since. Went to work on following Sunday, got my paperwork on Monday after seeing the occupational doctor and a drug test, fired on Thursday (today) for the weed. Now I'm in my room with my kids watching Nick Jr and I gotta say my emotional state is hovering between whatever and excitement. I was planning on quitting in July so getting fired a few months ahead of time is just fine by me. Told my wife and she was just “well you were planning on quitting anyway” which I'm glad for because I honestly didn't know how she'd react but she's just…