I've been up and down because I haven't been able to have a steady supply of my adhd meds. The weeks I have it I kick ass and get everything done. The weeks I don't are rough and I barely make it through.
Let me add: I an the director of 2 departments and the only employee of both of those departments.
My deadlines are all made up by my boss who is obsessed with “measurable outcomes”, but doesn't seem to understand that creative work and work that requires the response of people outside of the company can't really be quantified into a “this many things per hour”
I've been open with my boss that there is a nationwide shortage of my medication. I kicked ass last week and made a deadline that was damn near impossible. But the week before sucked because I was missing some of my meds and was waiting on them to come in.
Since my performance has been “up and down instead of consistent” they've put me on a performance action plan. I cant help but feel discriminated against because like, sorry, I literally have NO control over this. Not to mention the workload I have is insane as it is.
But fuck me for being born American, right? I have 3 disabilities but can't file for anything because I am “too functional”. But that functionality ends at work. I barely shower. I haven't had clean laundry in maybe 6 months. I can't do anything after work other than play videogames I've already played or watch shows I've already finished because my brain doesn't have the capacity to do literally anything else once the work day is over. But, you know, land of the free or whatever.
Mind you, im in charge of 2 projects that the company is banking on to revive itself. But I am the only one working on them. You'd think they'd be more encouraging instead of putting me on an action plan.
And the whole time they're like… championing me. Telling me how great I am at my job “when I'm focused”. Like… yeah. I know I am. I am amazing at my job and the fact I have done so much for the company can't be overlooked. But fuck me for malfunctioning when there is a nationwide shortage of something I need to survive. It's not my fucking fault. What do you want me to do? I can't paperwork my way out of a disability.
The worst part is I know this is the best I'll be treated in this industry. And there's no way out of it. Fuck this country and fuck this obsession with “productivity”.