I have a disability, I live with chronic pain, and I'm gonna have a big, scary surgery in a little under 2 months. Work is hell right now. I cannot focus on anything. I have to go to many tests and appointments before the big chop chop, and I'm also trying to keep myself from shitting bricks whenever I think of the surgery (it's spinal fusion, look it up if you're not bothered by x-rays). At work we're in our busy season, and I need to get all my ducks in a row before I go on ~2-3 months of sick leave. But I just can't do it. Can't. All work tasks fill me with resentment, I procrastinate like crazy, today I had a pain flare-up on the way to work and I came in the office crying, scaring the shit out of everybody. And this is a good job. I have an understanding manager, my team is great, everybody is very sympathetic, but I'm worried sympathy has its limits. I have a feedback meeting with my boss on Friday and I'm worried he'll say something. I talked to my psychiatrist and she tried to send me on 2 weeks burnout/depression leave, but I don't feel I can do it without torpedoing relationships. And I need this job. I enjoy it, I like my co-workers, and between mortgage and medical costs I need the money. I guess I'm not asking for advice, the only thing to do is survive the next few weeks. At least there are long weekends in April and May. And I'm glad I'm not in the USA and don't have to worry about sick leave. But still. Life is hard right now. Thank you for coming to my rant, please write some nice comments, I could use some sympathy from internet strangers