i wish i had the guts to ask for a pay raise. i wish I had the guts to put my foot down when repeatedly expected to do a fuck ton of work that's not in my job description. i wish I had the heart to tell my coworkers not to overwork themselves either. i wish I could convince my managers of the same, and the people above them. i wish I weren't so scared to speak up. i wish my silence could make a difference.
instead I just break down and write reddit rants just to keep doing it all again the next day. i'm working but i'm not making any profit at all – just enough to afford nothing I need but everything my mind's been conditioned to want. i wish this cycle weren't so deadly. it's like it's been carefully crafted to hammer home just how meaningless your life is.
a guy came through my lane today and reminded me not to overwork myself – I was dissociated and letting 'customer service me' run the ship for a while. i immediately snapped into the moment and agreed with him – I was overworking my body even if I wasn't overworking myself. i really appreciated that reminder and it restored a lot of my faith in humanity seeing someone like myself in my hometown. where I WORK. i'm still not proud of the fact that I still just roll over and take it but I feel a lot less alone and right now that's something so much more valuable than any living wage.
nobody owes you anything, but to those who give anyway, thank you. you make the unbearable bearable and give me hope for the future. i hope one day i'm not as useless and scared. i don't mind a bit of either; just not so much of it please 🙁