Have rewritten this multiple times, tried chatgpt to summarize it too, but it didn't help at all. This is what I finally came up with. Warning : all of this is coming straight out of my rear end, so it's a little jumbled here and there: ( I say the word intuition a lot here lol)
So, I'm 24F, been technically unemployed since september 2021, when I graduated with an undergrad degree in math concentrated in stats and data science. I was in a master's program at a reputed university from 2021 to 2022, but it was too expensive, so I left. I'm kind of all over the place now, because I am a very intense, stubborn personality, but that's literally the only reason I'm even alive today. It's literally the only reason I have held back from suicidal thoughts time and time again.
I think I may have borderline autism/asperger's, haven't done diagonisis yet. I have a very childlike personality, and I'm very creative, artistic, at the heart of it, and I never got to do much for it growing up. If anyone here's from India or know about it fairly well, my dad's an IITian, like core, everything, btech, masters, phd, everything in IIT. and that's been a privilege externally as much as it's been my biggest nightmare internally. Problem is, almost every decision that's been made for me to make my parents happy for a career they want me to do, just built up to become worse and worse for me inside, and I never could tell them. The typical kid-your-dad-never-wanted feeling. this lead to a lot of issues from 2017-2022, basically me pushing my natural intuition further and further down, blindly slogging myself into literally a shitstorm of a path for college inclined to a career i didnt want, plus was next-level hustling in that. and it left me with mental health issues I can't even go into now. i took a break from 2022-2023 which actually helped me and healed me from it for the most part. I now am more touch with my intuition, and wanna apply my intuitive nature, which isn't exactly in line with my degree. it's conflicing, cause i've got a degree, but i'd honestly give it off to someone better deserving of it, given the chance
So yeah, here I am, a stubborn little shit, so I'm still alive and I still believe I can put my intuition to some use and break out of my fate. I got to apply my intuition towards my minor in Theater and a course I did in Roman civilization, in which my midterm paper was recognized as the best midterm paper the professor's corrected in all her years of teaching, so that was a huge moral boost for me to trust my intuition and keep with it. Pandemic came in the way, but i was the only one who got cast without a theatre background in a college musical production.
TLDR: As much as a recruiter looking at my resume can brush off my break from sep 2021 – Summer 2022, as being lazy and doing nothing, I needed this break as it literally healed me, and in an odd way it's sort of got me in touch spiritually too, idk. My intuition is strongly creative, artistic, very introspective, deep thinker, musically-inclined (singing will take some time, I have to cure my MTD, but songwriting is definitely there), dancing, entertainment, writing side. I'm fairly good at asking questions, and feel like I could be one of those podcast youtubers like Steven from Diary of a CEO or something. I got the chance to prove my abilities in college, but due to my mental health issues and not being in touch during the pandemic, I shut out these people from my life. I want to prove myself professionally with this intuition I have and now finally trust, and it's been almost two years since i graduated (Sep 2021-now). the rat race that college took me through ruined me and my issues built up from 2017-2023, and i CANNOT go back to it after such a wonderful time 2022-2023, away from what ruined my health and pushed me further away from what i am.
I have to be financially independent. I have looked into freelancing, but it seems like there's so many options out there, I don't know where to start in a way that least feels like I have to give up who I am and my more not-so-corporate-friendly beliefs. I don't know if I can go back to what literally sucked the soul out of me, and this break off helped me build a vision for myself. Sorry, I just wanted to let it out, it's a mix of mental issues and me trying to apply what I have finally got in touch with for the better. I enjoyed data science and statistics, but I don't know if I should start with an entry level job or freelancing, or something.