Hi guys first time posting here as I am at a crossroads in my life and I could use some advice.
2021 was my senior year of college, and until November of that year I was happily walking down the pipeline of my future in psychology. But when I had thanksgiving dinner with my family that fall… something snapped inside me. Everyone kept badgering me about my future, “what am I going to do after my degree;” “how much money will you earn;” “are you going to earn enough money?” It went on all fucking night like this, I was constantly the focus of everyone’s personal narratives and world views about living and thriving in the world, and especially about how to fit into capitalism.
Yeah… and basically after I returned home after that dinner I had a break down.
I didn’t know what to do about my future; my family had injected an existential fear of surviving in a competitive, hostile corporate world and I… just didn’t know how I was gonna navigate that.
So I fell into a deep depression over the holiday and into 2022. Almost returned my ticket too.
My family didn’t seem to understand the source of my depression or empathize with my fears when I voiced them. I was told to “buckle down” and focus on getting good grades, and then everything will work out. Magically I assume?
It wasn’t until a friend connected me with a crisis hotline that I finally got some needed advice. I couldn’t continue schools with my poor mental health, so I quietly dropped out. I didn’t let my family know until 6 months later when I was supposed to graduate. And well… that led me to being thrown out of the house into world to “learn a lesson about surviving and supporting yourself.” Which I did until now. I’ve worked several types of wage jobs and moved around a lot since then. I’m poor but alright. Things can be tough but I feel like I’m living my life for me for the first time, which I feel is what I need.
However I still don’t know what to do about my future. I have since realized I need to feel fulfilled by my life; I can’t just sit at a desk and syphon money for 50+ years. I want to travel and experience new things and feel like I’m actually living. But the problem is I don’t know how to marry my passions and also thrive in this world. I don’t need nor want to be rich, but I want to be comfortable enough that I don’t need to worry about stretching a paycheck an extra few weeks until the next. Therefore, I’ve been thinking about finishing my degree. But I don’t know if I actually want to finish it. I don’t see myself doing anything with it, and I can’t stomach working in a career I don’t feel fulfilling or passionate about. I thought about changing degrees but currently nothing seems to interest me.
I feel like I’m in a “work in progress” stage of my life where I’m living and experiencing life trying to find myself and what I want. But at the same time I still have to pay bills and I know student loans can help with that. I just don’t know what to do.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Will a degree do anything more for me, even if I don’t want to work in the field of that degree?
Sorry for long post but I’d appreciate any advice offered. And thank you for your time and attention to my concerns.