First and foremost I'm not a danger to myself and I'm not going to bring harm to myself. I just need to vent.
I've never been more depressed about life than I am when I'm working. Working in general is crippling, but add that I'm pushing 30, living in my parents house, and making shit money, I just feel like a loser. It feels like I'll never gain momentum to make enough to move out. I get bitched at that I don't go out when I'm not working. I don't go out because my social battery is at 0 and all I want to do is sleep. And watch mindless TV.
I've thought about the mechanics of dying. Like anything to make this end. It's a cycle. I don't think I'll ever be truly happy in a job. This one I'm in currently is my longest standing to date and I feel hollow inside every day
Im just tired of living. Existence shouldn't be this depressing and the thought of death shouldn't be my escape route.