Hello everyone, I am new to this subreddit but have been looking for advice on my situation. I graduated with my teaching degree almost 4 years ago and have taught for 2 years in an under funded almost private school for students who many of them had been kicked out of the public schools in the area. I struggled for those 2 years due to having no curriculum, little support, and personal issues. I learned that I had depression and eventually was prescribed medication for it. During this time I also had to teach virtually for an entire year causing intense back pain.
I thought my problem with teaching was due to the school I was working for so to resolve that I moved closer to my family and got a new job in a public school. This was a 2 year contract to loop with the same class from 4th grade to 5lth grade. This was a bump in my paycheck, better health insurance, and had a curriculum provided by the school. I worked there for a year and discovered that I had been given the most difficult group of students. Many behavior issues, many IEPs, and many students with big issues at home (parents in jail, divorce, and parents who have issues with school and disciplining their own child). I struggled throughout the school year and sought the support of other teachers in my building. I kept hearing that next year the class would grow up more, mature, and would do better since they knew me already. I ended the school year and waps able to finally have surgery for the back pain I had struggled with. I spent all summer prepping for the next year, and recovering from surgery.
Now I have made it through half of this school year and my group of 5th graders is no better than the previous year. They are worse. They hate each other, they hate me, and actively try to say hurtful things about me to my face. Granted this is mostly one student who hates women in general. The principal has only been able to do so much and talking to the parent only helps for a small amount of time as this student has little respect for them as well. There doesn't seem to be a reward or consequence that effects this student.
I'm becoming more and more stressed with fear of going to school some days because I don't know what I will have to deal with each day. I'm incredibly stubborn and have been so determined to make things work. I love the school and feel like I can deal with the limited amount of money teachers make. I'm just struggling to finish the school year. I went back to the other teachers for advice and once again they keep telling me that next year's group is so different. At this point I'm starting to doubt my abilities, and wonder if I even have the skills I need or if it is truly the class that is the problem. I'm feeling burnt out and worried about starting another school year when I'm so currently stressed.
My current plan is to let the principal know I am considering ending my contract. I will be asking them if I can observe in 1st grade in case I am more interested in working with younger kids. I have applied to go back to college in hopes of finishing my library degree and will be seeing if I enjoy that this summer. Right now I would love any advice or insight from individuals who have quit a high stress job or anyone who has had similar struggles. My health is still being effected. I find that I'm struggling to cope with the stress. Sometimes my depression medication isn't enough and I become constipated during the school week. I'm gaining weight after losing 20 lbs over the last year. Sometimes I feel the need to drink alcohol to cope and don't want to become an alcoholic. I struggle to get my lesson plans done and find myself putting them off until I no longer have any more time. My home is a mess because I don't have enough time to clean.
I need help.