Heya guys, I don't know who will even be interested in reading this, but I took the time to make a reply to a post and the comments got locked. It felt like a powerful and person statement, and I'd love for people to read it and find validation in their feelings and experiences too. That's what I've felt over the years reading other people's stories.
COMMENT:
As someone growing up in this time, this is spot on. I have given up on life. The first time I saw through the veil was when I went to college, seeing how imperfect the classes were and how lazy some professors felt. Getting accused of smoking weed back then when I honest to God didn't, but got penalized with my roommate anyway.
There were tons of problems at this time, including student housing and my early college credits not being accepted as well, which made half my studies my first year feel pointless. As a result, I fell into the beginning of my depression and stopped going to all classes sometime in the second semester.
After college, I returned home and have been working as a lifeguard full-time until recently because of health complications. I've been a lifeguard for 4 years, and in that time, there's been so much to observe from the outside of the atypical path in life, and it was very sobering. I got to start lifeguarding at $11/hour, slowly increasing over the years, and only just getting to $17/hour this year for my position. Still not anywhere near enough to live off of, and no benefits for us employees. I love lifeguarding to bits and would keep this job for way longer if it compensated us fairly, but after all these years, I just want out. I got to see how shitty people really were when covid first occurred, my buddy going to school that year said it was absolute misery trying to do online classes and still learn something, we've seen too many cases of worker exploitation and people's rights, everyone so far has expressed they feel their promised futures were always a lie, budget cuts to education programs have crippled some schools in the US, school shooting are still happening and nothing substantial has been done about them, and colleges have grown more and more to feel like a scam. If something as important as education is being watered down, pay walled, and become unsafe, what point is there in trying to gain a higher education anymore? If something as basic as the cost of living is unachievable, but we're supposed to be good worker bees and worker breeders, how in the flying fuck are we supposed to live and keep the economy turning. We're not animals or beasts, we're people too!!!
After 4 years of growing up and seeing the world for what it is, as well as 18 years of family and childhood drama and trauma, I'm worn out mentally and emotionally. I legitimately and truly think I've had some form of neurodivergence for a long time that I never learned to live with, and I'd bet my left hand that I have depression and bipolar disorder. Between problems in the past and the present, I genuinely don't see some grand future ahead of me. How can there be any optimism or whim in a world you hate going out into every day? If this is how things are, why should we even try anymore? If all I'm going to get is table scraps and fake dreams, why would I subject myself to another 40+ years on this dying planet? If this is how shitty the world is and how most people can be, why would I ever put myself out there socially just to be shit on for being myself?
I'm also a gay man, watching LGBT rights be stripped, and other members be assaulted to protect trans rights. I can't even begin to unpack the slew of laws being voted on in Florida and Missouri that ban most LBGT and trans rights. Growing up as a kid I was closeted because I was afraid of being attacked or ostracized by those who hated me for who I am. We live in a world where a noticeable amount of the population simply thinks my existence is a mistake. There are people who would put a bullet in my head simply because of the way I physiologically developed in the womb before birth. How can I ever hope to find love in a country or a world where our rights are being taken away as if we were children being punished?
TLDR: I don't care anymore. I've backed off in life and am focused on first overcoming this lethal illness I've had for 5 months, then I want to explore myself and learn more life skills while I can. Until the legitimate opportunity to protest these issues comes for our generation, I'm more focused on my daily life and the people I care about in it.