I am tired, I am very tired of this. Working is the most soul-destroying things ever where I have to wake up, depersonalize myself for 11 hours 5 days a week. It is not a matter of changing jobs or changing countries, I did it before and I know how it is. Its the same everywhere. Working means giving up on your personality, giving up your liberty in order to just survive while missing what truly count in life, living. They want you to stop being yourself, they want you to destroy you otherwise and no matter what, they will find a way to coerce you or force you to be what they want you to be. This is the essence of slavery, living to appease others and to live how others want you to live and to be.
I feel everyday like a bird that only wants to fly high, trapped in a cage that become smaller and smaller. I am not depressed, my therapist told me that my eyes still shine for too many things in this life. Things that sadly I cannot do simply because of money, because yes, lets be grounded on this: money is freedom, the freedom to be yourself and live life by your own terms. I thought about suicide in the past but my rationality said that there is absolutely no point in dying. Death will only make me dead. I want relief, I want to live, I want to be free and I want to be authentic without being suppressed by people or circumstances. But there is no way out of this….its slavery, depersonalization for life or the coffin. Both options do not offer any kind of relief and I am tired, I am extremely tired. Whats even worse is that people do not understand this, people are ok with being a slave. They are even convinced that this is the only way of living because “it has always been like this” and the few people I know cannot do anything about it anyway. I feel defeated, oppressed, destroyed. I just would like to never been born. This life is nothing else than a prison.
At least, I am wise enough to never reproduce myself so I will not see my kids suffer and be enslaved like me and like all the others. Society is a bullshit, always been and always will be. I only hope that the girl I love will find a way out of it. She is like me and she doesnt deserve this. Nobody deserve this. But since when life is about deserving?