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Antiwork

These are delightful!!!!

From McSweeney's: HONEST OFFICE HAIKU FOR THE IMPENDING RECESSION “We Need to Synch Our Agile Framework with Our Projected Workflow” Okay, listen up. I don’t know what you just said. Am I getting axed? ​ – – – “We’re Instituting a ‘Return-to-Office’ Mandate to Improve Company Performance” What saves you money, And would help prevent layoffs? No more offices. ​ – – – “Is This a Realistic Timeline for This Project?” Absolutely not. It’s the work of three people, with no overtime. ​ – – – “Do You Have a Minute to Talk?” Oh no. This is it. Hold on, you just need a file? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS? ​ – – – “Happy Employee Appreciation Day!” Are you kidding me? We know layoffs are coming. Thanks for the free pen. ​ – – – “Be Grateful You Have a Job!” I am overworked, underpaid, and have no help.…


From McSweeney's: HONEST OFFICE HAIKU FOR THE IMPENDING RECESSION

“We Need to Synch Our Agile Framework with Our Projected Workflow”

Okay, listen up.
I don’t know what you just said.
Am I getting axed?

– – –

“We’re Instituting a ‘Return-to-Office’ Mandate to Improve Company Performance”

What saves you money,
And would help prevent layoffs?
No more offices.

– – –

“Is This a Realistic Timeline for This Project?”

Absolutely not.
It’s the work of three people,
with no overtime.

– – –

“Do You Have a Minute to Talk?”

Oh no. This is it.
Hold on, you just need a file?
WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?

– – –

“Happy Employee Appreciation Day!”

Are you kidding me?
We know layoffs are coming.
Thanks for the free pen.

– – –

“Be Grateful You Have a Job!”

I am overworked,
underpaid, and have no help.
Gratitude is hard.

– – –

“I’m Going to Take Unpaid PTO to Help the Company”

Go ahead, Brian.
But you’re a fool if you think
this will save your job.

– – –

“You Have Nothing to Worry About”

I don’t believe you.
You laid off half the workforce.
Should I ignore this?

– – –

“Just Remember: We’re All in This Together”

Oh, okay, Gary.
Is that why you gave yourself
a raise and not us?

– – –

“We’re a Family”

Shut up shut up shut
up shut up shut up shut up
please shut the fuck up.

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