I'm almost 40 years old (turned 39 last month). I've managed to keep myself to one job while everyone around me was working 2+. I owe a friend of mine an undetermined amount of money. I like having time to myself but don't mind giving some to other people but I'm feeling pretty trapped. A bit of backstory.
A few years ago I was working for a guy doing some under the table work. The work was mostly handyman stuff (which I'm good at). He provided the jobs and I went and bid on them and did the work. I learned a lot about people and met some great and some horrible people but I didn't like the guy I was working for, it was very obvious that he was really just out for a buck. Did that for about 6-8months and was making decent enough money but constantly stressed because I never knew when the next job was coming in and I wasn't ruthless enough on quite a few jobs (granny phoned and locked herself out of her apartment in the middle of the night for instance). So money was never an issue but always on the edge of it.
Well boss guy wants me to get a van so I can get into the heavier construction end (reno's and such) instead of pipes, electrical, minor repairs, etc. I finally relent and start looking for a van and he offers to sell me his old one (literally last year off the lot) driven a little bit but as it was the previous years model it was in good shape. The issue was he wanted me to sign a contract to buy it at full on the lot price with a caveat that if I didn't make a payment it defaulted back to him. Screw that I went and mentioned to a long time friend the situation and he says go get your coat and we go to the second hand lot and there's a van there. He just buys it and hands me the keys, says pay it back when I can. So I'm in the hole 10k to my buddy but this van is going to increase my income 5x. I've done construction most of my life I know I can do the work. Boss isn't happy when he finds out I went elsewhere and then goes on vacation for 6 weeks without telling me.
My buddy knows my situation and needs somebody to look after a property he had just bought (I helped him reno it as it was from the 50s and passed exactly zero inspections). He bought the place for his just exed-wife and couldn't be near it without being further depressed so me and my long term room mate and my then SO move in. We miss the first two months rent due to lack of work and such but he's good to us and we've known him a decade he knows were good for it.
A few months later everything is going well, rent is 1k (about average for the house and area) and I'm paying 1200 to pay down the debt. The truck meanwhile is dead weight in the back. He mentions he needs a truck for work and I'm like well heck! So he takes the truck and I'm happy and he's happy. We're going to work out later how much comes off the debt. About a week later he says his boss wants the truck and is offering the original 10k for it! Hecken yeah! Things are going well for a few more months.
I forget how much rent is as I've been paying 1200 for so long and I ask him and he says 1200 which pokes me and I'm like “That doesn't seem right but ok”. I was busy at the time and didn't have time to stop and think about it but I realized it a week or so later, unfortunately he started traveling for work and was unreachable for like 4 months so I can't talk to him about it. He gets back and says his boss is being a dingus and hasn't been paying him so he's going to deal with that via court. Also his boss is only offering 4k for the truck and he already agreed to sell it. My buddy is at this point working two full time jobs himself so he's dog tired and not much for listening to anything as he's pretty well checked out full time.
While he's out of province doing work I'm doing side gigs for his mom (mostly mowing and general maintenance of her house), his brother (contract work mostly hard labor digging and landscaping), and occasionally for his dad. All monies of which are to be paid to my buddy so I'm not really tracking it. Turns out nobody was tracking it. When my buddy gets back I ask him to sit down and figure out how much I owe. He takes a few days then sends me a Google doc and I point out a few things missing off it just off the top of my head. He recognizes that they are missing but we have a general idea I owe about 4k.
Things continue, my rent is now 1200 and recognized as such, I can't afford to add more to it working damn near minimum wage. He knows I'm in trouble due to CC debt and offers to buy it. After a lot of thought I realize if he pays it off that's an extra 150 a month I can give him so I accede after a few weeks back and forth. I almost immediately get into a car accident due to some dingus driving the wrong way down a one way road and me hitting a curb as they speed past on an icy road. Car is pretty well done, front right tired is turned diagonally. Take it in and get a quote for pretty much the amount my CC was at (I think it was 2400). I pay it because I need the car to work in the first place.
Time goes by and I end up unemployed due to Covid (which was the best thing to happen to me, work was super Christian Conservative and toxic AF, we're a family crap). I start doing piecemeal work for the brother again. Make good money but it's pretty rare, all money is agreed to before the work and is to go to the guy I owe. I do a lot of decent paying work covering bills and such, brother is happy with my work but wants me to go to work for him full time.
At about this time I realize I will never retire, can't afford it. Decide to start a career and go into law enforcement (I have a few older friends who are retired and talk about it). Initially I want to do local PD but an RCMP officer sees my dealings with a homeless person and argues with me that I would do better and be happier in the RCMP they “need more people who care about people”. Dude is persuasive so I give in, it's mostly the same work but I have a few things I need to get out of the way (I didn't graduate HS due to bad home life, and we have a GDL license here which goes away this year so it will become a moot point). Doing security guard work pays a smidge over minimum wage (I made as much working at McDonalds). So money is perpetually tight but works (mostly) good.
I end up going to night shift, I have three room mates including my SO. My SO and one guy work normal 9-5 type jobs and the long term room mate works shift work. We have two dogs. So sleeping in the evening is pretty well out. I work until 7am, I get home and wind down and I'm usually out cold by 9-10am. I can do 11-12 if I really push it. I'm up between 4-6pm.
My buddy starts his own business and wants me to come on board. The pay is fantastic but work is shite (mostly security system installation). I tell him no, I'm trying to make a career and if I stop before two years at my current employment I can kiss all my work goodbye. Privately I wonder if it's worth it, I hate pulling cable, I hate ladders, I'm a big MF and I hate climbing but I can't afford to go back to school and likely wont be able to while working for the company currently paying me beans. Meanwhile my current boss treats me like crap when she addresses me at all, she's decided I don't like women (because I one time complained that my sites female supervisor spent to much time in the office talking about her cats and not doing her job, and said I was happy that we had a new (second) supervisor).
I've tried telling him it wont work, I can't work past noon just due to being exhausted from patrolling all night but he wont take no for an answer. I hardline tell him I'm not working past noon it's dangerous for me. He says well when can I work, I tell him my days off and I sleep from 10am-6pm he can have me my two days off but really I can't see what use I'll be post 7pm (so I have time to get up shower, clean up etc) and 8-12 for those two days can't be great either. He doesn't seem to clue in that this is dumb. I'm happy to do any work he needs overnight on those two days but outside that I'm strictly not able to as I'm done my 2 year term in Sept with this company and nothing short of them firing my dumb ass is getting me out before then.
Last night he tells me he's paying between 30 and 50 and hour. 30 at residentials and 50 at commercial sites. Asks if I just want it taken out of the debt. Hell no I tell him. I'm taking it out of rent and using that to pay of my CCs.
There's a lot I'm leaving out, for instance he offered to pay off my CCs again about 6 months ago. He has multiple times tried to just tell me not to worry about the debt (though while he means well in that regard, he wont remember doing it later and it causes additional issues though he wouldn't argue if I told him no either). About 9 months ago there was a bank issue that he didn't catch as he doesn't check if I pay rent he just assumes I do (and I do) but apparently the bank somehow sent the money to the wrong account for two months and they wont fix it without the owner of said account oking it and apparently they can't get in touch with that person (TBH I'm not 100% on the details or what's happening there). I did manage to pay him back that though.
I feel like I'm just going to perpetually be owing him. I don't want to do a second job. I literally think it might kill me. I hate life, I hate humans, I hate really “society”. I hate pretty much everything to do with this god forsaken planet but I can't check out. I watch daily as everything gets worse for everybody and watch as nobody does anything to stop it or fix it. My buddy says I'm a negative person. I say I'm a realist. I'm constantly reading and learning about things going on in the world. I really don't know what to do. Don't think I ever will. Only thing to do is keep on keeping on.
If you got this far, thanks, your a good one. This sub is a lot of the things I think about, a lot of issues I think need to change get brought up here. It's my favorite place even if some of the people are dinguses. I go start my new job in an hour and a half and I really really don't want to.
EDIT: Further right after my buddy goes to court with his now ex boss he gets a new second and then a third full time job and that stays that way for almost a year. He's now down to two again.