I am in so much debt from college that I never finished because I dropped out due to depression. Right now I have a job that I absolutely hate. I have panic attacks every day before my shift to the point where I'm sobbing uncontrollably in the car on the way to work. I'm living with and taking care of my mentally ill and suicidal mother ever since she attempted to take her own life in September I've been financially responsible for her. By the way I'm only 25. I'm drowning in debt and basically the only reason I am working is so that I can stay afloat in this shitty life of mine. I'm so depressed I can't do anything besides tune out for days on end binging video games and smoking weed just to numb the pain. I used to enjoy music and making art but now I can't even touch my piano. I want to finish school but I have no money or motivation… I just feel like it's the only way out of this financial hole I'm in? If that makes sense. Or maybe I'm just conditioned that college = success. Especially since I'm not motivated enough to pull myself up by my bootstraps.
I would never actually take my own life but I have thought about it.. I've thought about it a lot tbh. It just seems like the only way I'll actually be able to catch a break in this life. I really feel like doing something drastic but I have too many people relying on me. I have a wonderful girlfriend who is my whole world and two sisters that would have to live with losing their big sister and their mother because my mother would surely kill herself if anything happened to me. So there is no way I could do that to them…